Sex Advice/Oral Sex/Loss of sex drive


My and my partner have been together 5 years, the first 4 of those spent long distance, whenever we met up (about every 4-6 weeks), we could easily have sex 3-4 or more times over one weekend. I'm 21, he's 27. Since moving in together 12 months ago, all was fine to start, but I would say the last 8 months, his second drive has disappeared, there's time we've gone 2 months without sex, it's always me who initiates things and half the time he's not interested. It hurts me, I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. Whenever I speak about it, originally it was, he was stressed and depressed not working and wasn't interested because of that, then he got a job, now he's too tired... I too work full time, and I'm still up for it at the end of the day! Surely it should be me telling him I'm not interested? That's how it usually is. I just feel very unwanted, sometimes I can be kissing him, biting his lip, hands everywhere and he just doesn't react... Other times I think I'm getting somewhere then bam, he stops. It's confusing and upsetting for me. We enjoy our time together and I know people will say 'it's not all about sex' but it makes me feel close to him, loved, attracted... He just doesn't seem to be interested. Is there any advice you can offer to improve his sex drive, or anything at all that might help in solving this?  
Thank you.

You ought to find out what the cause of the problem is.  Have you considered couples therapy?  Maybe if you met with a psychologist or marriage and family counselor a few times, he or she could help you get back on track.  It could lead to your partner being diagnosed with something that could then be treated.  In the meantime, have you asked him why he doesn't want sex anymore?  There has to be some reason.  

Sex Advice/Oral Sex

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Doug Adams, Ph.D.


I am happy to answer all kinds of questions about sexuality.


I have been answering questions about sexuality from both males and females for over 13 years on my web site I have been an expert on for over four years and am currently an expert in eight sexuality categories. I am the top expert in seven of the eight categories.

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality from one of the leading research universities in the world.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped countless thousands of people online over the past 10 years.

©2017 All rights reserved.