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Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and we've gotten really serious for the past few months. For a while, he has bugged me to give him oral more often. I don't do it that often because I don't like to. I don't know why, but I just don't like it that much. He feels like I'm not attracted to him as much as he is to me because he says he loves to give me oral. by no means am I not attracted to him. He's absolutely gorgeous. The other thing is, I don't always like getting oral from him either. And it's not that he's bad at it, I've just never been really comfortable with it. I always prefer to have sex and I love sex. Recently, he has threatened our relationship if I don't start becoming more sexual. I honestly don't feel like I'm normal when it comes to these things because he makes me feel that it is not normal to not like oral. But he's the only guy I've done anything with sexually but he's had several partners before me. I really don't know what to do and I want to know if it's normal to be like this and if there's something I can do to make this situation better. I don't want to lose him and I absolutely HATE that he feels like he's unattractive to me.  I dot think know how to communicate to him about this subject anymore. He just doesn't understand.

Answer
If you don't want to perform fellatio on him, then don't, but let him know what you're doing.  Don't just stop and let him think there's going to be fellatio next week or sometime.  

If you're not comfortable with cunnilingus, then tell him you don't want it.  Tell him you prefer to have sex and you love sex.  You told me that; why not do him the same courtesy.

Be sexual when you want to be; not because someone threatens you.  I suggest finding a boyfriend that you are more sexually compatible with.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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I am happy to answer all kinds of questions about sexuality.

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