Expert: Fox - 10/11/2005

Question
It's been my first time giving a guy a blow job and I did all what I think I was supposed to however I went at for 45 minutes! And nothing happened! The penis would get to a point where it seemed like it was going to ejaculate but then it would go back down again. My mouth hurts, lip hurts, arm hurts and neck hurts; all for nothing. I gave up in the end and he says "it's a lost cause." I kinda feel embarrassed that I couldn't please the guy but I don't know what I was doing wrong. Does this happen sometimes? Please help!

Answer
Felicia,

He should have told you this, but he probably doesn't cum from getting his cock sucked. About half of all men don't usually cum from a blowjob. See, a lot of men have to be in control of their own orgasm, and often, unless he's fucking your throat, it won't happen.

Did he go down on you for forty-five minutes, too? Why are you doing so much for him and being so selfless?

OK, first of all, here's how to give a good blowjob, DON'T do it for more than 15 minutes, unless you really get off on it.

****

Blowjobs are paradise for many men. But be aware that there are men that just don't like them; there are men who either don't get hard from BJs or can not cum from BJs – usually men who always like to be in control of their own orgasms.

If you come across a man who doesn't come from blowjobs, there is one way to (probably) change that. It is rather extreme. You (in either a flat-on-your-back position or a kneeling position) will allow him to grab the back of your head, insert his cock in your wide-open mouth, and simply fuck your throat as if it were a pussy. Yes, you'll gag and yes, you might throw up, but some girls do actually enjoy that, and I can guarantee you that many men LOVE that kind of whore-like throat-fucking BJ. If you let him use your throat like that he'll either love you to death and worship your body afterwards, or he'll start disrespecting you because you let him use your mouth as if you were a whore. Be careful that your man is the kind who loves a sexually deviant, liberated woman, not one who is scared of them, before you try the “fuck my throat” tactic.

For every girl who hates to be fucked in the throat till she gags, there are three that hate it. If you hate it, DON'T DO IT and don't let him fuck your throat hard like that. Don't let him have control of the BJ if he's abusing your throat and not being gentle. Only let him do that if you like it.

For non-violent blowjobs which won't hurt your throat, the advice is as follows:

Most important: make sure it is wet. Wet, slushy, sloppy blowjobs are the ONLY kind of blowjobs. Just like when he's eating your pussy and driving you crazy with his mouth, it HAS TO BE WET to feel good. Use LOTS of spit, and LOTS more. Make it really wet with your mouth.

Next, the swirling, French-kissing technique is usually good. French kiss the head of his cock as if you're in a porn movie… kiss it, suck on it, swirl your tongue around it, over it, under it, encircle it. Purse your lips and let it slip inside, and then swish your tongue all over the head.

Anyone who tells you guys don't like their balls licked or shaft sucked is generalizing. Many, many guys like for you to vary it up, lick down their shaft, lick their balls, suck on their balls, lick the place between their balls and ass, and hey, if you're up for it, lick their asshole. 75% of men ADORE having their asshole licked. Lick it good, like you're licking clitty – it'll drive him crazy ‘cause that's where all his nerve endings are.

Do it for maybe ten or fifteen minutes. Then, when you want to make him cum, if you're not willing to let him fuck your mouth, it's best to still attempt to recreate the fucking motion, you know, open your mouth a little wider (so your teeth aren't involved) and try bobbing your head up and down on it (or back and forth), letting it slide between your lips and into your mouth, then out again. Imagine you are a pussy, riding a cock, and you are trying to go faster and harder to get him and yourself off. That is the kind of rhythm you should be looking for. That will get him off.

Some other things most guys like in blowjobs:

Lots of lipstick never hurts. Some guys like no make up but just as many like slutty red or pink lips sucking their cock. Be his fantasy girl and use pink lipstick and suck it like you worship it.

LOTS OF EYE CONTACT. If you have his head in your mouth and you look in his eyes like you wanna rape him and fuck his brains out, the BJ will feel that much better.

LOTS OF SPIT – spit on it and pull your mouth away, holding it in your tightly-clenched fist… let the strings of spit and drool hang from his cock to your lips, then suck it and spit on it more – that's what a lot of guys like, and that's how the pornstars do it.

When he's coming, it's best to just keep doing what you're doing. That's my best advice for that. If you don't want him to cum in your mouth, then jack it really hard, pump it with your fist, and aim the cock wherever you want the cum – tits, face, tummy, guys like cumming on those places – but usually nothing as much as in your mouth.

So I hope that advice helps with giving a blowjob. Some last 5 minutes and are a prerequisite for sex, some last half an hour ad are entities unto themselves.

One thing to remember – VERY IMPORTANT: you should not give it without expecting it in return. There is nothing as heavenly as having your pussy licked and your g-spot fingered to glorious, squirting orgasm. You should expect him to go down on you, preferably BEFORE you suck him off. It makes more sense – he makes you cum, then you make him hard and he fucks you. Or he makes you cum, and then you make him cum. Once the guy cums, he often loses a lot of sexual motivation.

If he's not going down on you, make sure that he does. If he's no good at it, ask me and I'll tell you how to tell him how to make it really good. If he refuses to lick you and make you cum, well, you're giving your BJs to the wrong guy and you can find someone that worships you and wants to give you pleasure as well as getting pleasure from you.

Some guys like to have their heads pushed down into the pussy area – you know, forcing him to service you. Maybe try that. Or push his face into your ass and make him worship you back there. It feels very, very good.  Lots of men love licking sexy girls' asses and pussies. Make him lick you wherever you want to be licked.

Whatever the case, just make sure he's getting his – and you're getting yours. You're just starting out, so you have many years of blissful sex ahead of you. Don't sell yourself short and don't worry about any of it – that's just life!

***

Also, if you want to drive him wild, here are some more things you can do:

***

Giving a man pleasure during sex is even more complex than giving a woman pleasure: there are so many different men, with so many different turn-ons that the single best piece of advice will always be to talk to your man, get to know what he likes and dislikes, and get him to open up to you about how you could make sex mindblowing for him.

Once you've done that, and tried all of the things he's told you, if it still doesn't work, the following things do it for a lot of men:

Pre-sex/foreplay...

Dress really sexy. High heels, thigh high boots, lingerie, thongs, uniforms, stockings, ganter belts, glistening oil all over you, heavy slutty make-up, leather, latex, these are some of the things that drive many men crazy. If you dress up like that and more importantly ACT very sexual, very forward and dominant, very horny, very seductive, that will be a fantastic prelude to great sex. Wear some or all of the sexy things during sex. High heels, boots and thongs work especially well in turning boys on during sex.

Sometimes games work well: pretend to be a whore soliciting him for business. Or perhaps a nurse, or a teacher, or some other such fantasy scenario. Rape fantasies and incestuous fantasies are often popular with more daring and deviant types.

Acts of foreplay work well. Great blowjobs (like the one I described earlier), handjobs, licking him in nasty places (as nasty as you can imagine), fingering his backdoor, or just simple things like sucking his nipples (lots of men don't like this) or licking and sucking his ear, especially inside (you'll be surprised how turned on he gets if you do it right)...

Having him do things to you - MAKING him do things to you - can be wonderful for men who like dominant women. Most men have an element of that. Try telling him how hot you are, how amazing your body is. Make him watch you while you strip, or do a stripper-style dance for him. Tease him as much as you can. Push his head to your pussy and make him lick you. Push his face into your sexy ass. Try smothering his face with your breasts, pushing them together, or sitting on his face, or making him suck your toes and lick your legs and back. Maybe spit in his mouth - lots of guys like that - but do it in a girly way.

Then there's also telling him how hot HE is and how great HE is in bed - that is good for egotistical, arrogant types who get turned on by having their ego stroked.

During the act itself... you could try fucking him back (moving with him, slamming your pussy against his cock), try lots of eye contact, try talking dirty to him. Tell him about how good it feels and all the things you want him to do to you. Tell him your fantasies while he's fucking you. Tell him about other girls (guys love girls who talk about other women during sex) and about how he's better than all the others who fucked you (if he's an ego-tripper). Talk to him about all the nasty things that you know HE likes too.

One thing that works well is kegles. You know, the exercises that girls do with their pelvic muscles. Try doing them while he's fucking you. If you're good, he'll really feel them. Be careful, they might even make him cum.

When you're in missionary, you can do things with your legs that drive him crazy. Try wrapping them around him, squeezing him with them. Hurt him - he'll probably like it. Also, putting your legs wide in the air, up on his shoulders, or best of all behind your head can be very very sexy. Stroke his chest with your feet, if he likes them, put them in his mouth. That will drive him crazy while he's fucking you if he likes that sort of thing. Play with your clitty and get yourself off, while his cock's in you. Pinch your nipples and push yor titties together.

In doggie, act like an animal, throw your head back. Let loose with the noise, don't hold anything back. Bend your legs and look back at him if you can. If you dare, make him fuck your ass. At the least, tell him to lick it. This will intensify his doggie experience. If you wanna be nasty as anything, and if he likes nasty girls, when he's fucking your ass make him bring his cock round and put in in your mouth, suck it clean, then put it back in your ass. That's what the girls in the movies do, and the boys love it. You can also reach back and play with his balls as they swing, or even better, play with your clitty to increase your orgasms.

When you're riding him, try doing the splits on his cock. Guys love that. Also, use him for your orgasms. Just bounce up and down on him and get yourself off. If he loves you, he'll love that. You can try sitting on his face, then on his cock, and alternating.

Finally, I recommend ass play. SO many nerves are in the anal area, that if you play with, lick, tease, or finger his ass, especially during sex (if he's open minded) it will probably drive him CRAZY. The sopt just above the hole (towards the balls) and inside the hole heading in the same direction is known as the PROSTATE gland, aka the male g-spot and will drive him insane. WHen he's turned on, it feels better than anything. Play with his backdoor while you're fucking or sucking him, and watch him explode. You don't have to be too rough with it, but some guys like it that way.

Speaking of being rough, some guys like it when girls bite, scratch, spit on, smother, squash, slap and generally hurt them while getting off on them. Hurt him if he likes it. Similarly, many guys like to slap girls around, fuck them really really hard (abusively, almost), and cum on their face, etc... if you like being dominated and thoroughly ravaged in such ways, make sure you let him know, so he knows he can go all out with you; he may want to but may be worried that you're not into that. Not all guys are either dominant or submissive: the healthiest relationships are often when both partners like to play both roles and some in between. Variation is the key: communication is vital.

***

But NOW, I want you to show THIS to HIM... because he is not giving as much as he gets, and I think he'll enjoy being able to make you cum and drive you crazy:

Make her less tense by easing her into it... don't go straight for the pussy... kiss her all over, lick her, touch her, taste her, make her feel like heaven with every touch on every inch of her body.

Then and only when she is aching for you to go to her center... only when she cannot take any more breaths on her thighs and hands running down her back and kisses on her nipples...

Then do this:

ORAL SEX (CUNNILINGUS):

In order to make a girl go crazy using your mouth, this is what I recommend:

Remember every girl is different, so you may wish to vary the style, speed, and force with which you perform oral upon her. These are just some general pointers that work for *most* women, not all. And remember, it's all about the WAY you do what you do. Be sexy about it. Be into it, be passionate, and above all, be receptive to her body language and what she asks you to do and responds to.

Start by breathing over her pussy, and her thighs. Kiss her inner thighs softly at first, maybe lick on them and suck on them in different places. Run your tongue along them towards her pussy, but don't touch it. Kiss above her pussy (especially if she's shaved) and lick and tease the area above her clitoris. Make sure your mouth and tongue are really wet.

When you've teased her to the point where she's squirming and moaning a little, or telling you to start licking the pussy itself, then it's time to move your head right between her legs, and position your lips and tongue directly over her clitoris (if she hasn't already pushed your head down there). At first lick the clitoris softly (make sure your mouth is wet) and slowly, not much force, just teasingly, delicately. Kiss it. Kiss it passionately, the way you kiss her mouth. Caress it with your lips and tongue. Don't forget to interject kissing and licking her inner thighs and licking her labia as a variation. Lick her hole, too. Slip your tongue into her hole. If she likes that, slide your tongue in and out of her hole, like it's a cock. Do that forcefully, but don't hurt her. Lick her ass, if you can get to it. For that, licking from behind is the best, when she's on all fours. Lick around her ass, around the rim, and then slide your tongue inside (if you dare!). Don't do


it too hard, and make sure you don't force it in. Just teasingly, gently, letting her know you love her body and want to pleasure her in every way. One thing girls usually love is when you lick from the bottom of their asshole right up to the top of their clit in one long, luscious lick. You can do that a few times.

If she reacts to a certain thing, repeat it. Now for the serious stuff: When she starts to enjoy it, begin a rhythm of licking her. Lick her whichever way she likes the best (ASK HER!) or whichever makes her moan the loudest. And REPEAT it. Over and over, in a rhythmic motion. Make your neck work, put your whole head movement into it. It should be a sweeping, repeating, constant motion, with your tongue and lips either caressing or encircling, swirling and stimulating her clit over and over until she starts to shudder.

As she enjoys it more, you can get a little harder. Some girls like it very hard (lots of pressure), and very fast (super fast), but most girls like it softer and more delicately. Kiss it as if its delicate. Lick it as if its delicate, don't press your face in too hard once you're in the rhythmic motion. You should try and tease her clitty to orgasm, not force it to orgasm.

Some girls, when they're coming, like a variation. When she starts coming, and starts to throb, DON'T STOP - but some girls like you to make it harder (or softer) at the point of orgasm), or to suck or nibble on it a little bit. Very few girls like you to just leave it alone. Most of them, though, like for you to JUSTKEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING until they're done coming. Then, once they've collapsed and are exhausted, either carry on going, starting from scratch (to make them come again), or slide up and kiss them on the lips, letting them taste their love juices from your mouth. Then it's time to either receive oral, make love, or curl up and go to sleep.

I hope this works and I hope she loves it. For more methodological detail, just ask about which part, specifically, you need help with.


****

FINGERING HER CLITTY – soft and slow

While it may be fun to slide your fingers in and finger inside her pussy, I'll concentrate first of all on playing with her clitty. Most girls, when they masturbate, concentrate on the clitoris, which is actually not inside the pussy at all, it is above the entrance.

In case you don't know, when the pubic hair gives way to the beginnings of the pussy slit itself, you are right above the clitoris. It is less than half an inch below that point at the very top of the pussy, and it is often hidden behind folds of pussy meat and protective layers – at the very very top of the pussy, on the outside.

It is between the two pussy lips, but at the top of them, where they meet. You will know when you find it because it sticks out a little from the rest of the pussy, and there is nothing above it but pubic hair (or shaved, sexy girlie skin, if she shaves down there).

Now, the way lots of girls like to be fingered to orgasm is slow, soft, and very very gently. First, make sure it's nice and wet (licking and kissing it is always a great idea – if you want to know how to do that, ask me for oral advice), by using lube or even better – wetting your fingers with your mouth. If she's really wet, you might even want to dip your fingers gently into her hole, and get them wet like that, before placing them over the clitty.

If she's not wet, don't start playing with the clitty before you've touched her and kissed her in other places: kiss her lips, bite and nibble on her neck, suck her earlobes and nipples, kiss her tummy, put your tongue in her ear, run your hands up and down her back, kiss her inner thighs, her legs, suck her toes, kiss her ass: whatever it takes to get her wet, whatever she likes. You can talk dirty to her too, and whisper right into her ear – lots of girls find that a big turn-on.

When she's ready, place one or two fingers (your first and middle finger, usually) over her clitty, when it's wet and slippery, and start to gently rub and tease. Rub it slowly from side to side, or up and down. Rub around it, too. Not hard. In fact, you might not want to have too much contact between your fingers and her pussy. Try to be as light and delicate as you can, just tease it and play with it as if it were the delicate petals of a flower.

You can vary the motion, firmness of your touch, and the speed with which you touch her, but at the end of it, you should be turning her on and you should feel it swelling and expanding. If it's getting less wet, spit on your hand or use her pussy juice or more lube and keep it REALLY wet.

Once she's getting really into it, find a regular motion that she likes, and repeat it again and again. Not necessarily harder or faster (unless that works), but perhaps more firmly, more repetitive. Circular motions usually work well. Sucking her nipple or kissing her while you're doing it often helps.

When she's squirming and getting into it, just keep doing what you're doing, continue with the motion, and before long, she should start throbbing (you'll feel it pulsing) and she'll gyrate and have a really powerful orgasm. This can take anything from one minute to thirty minutes, but it's usually between five and fifteen. Don't keep going after five minutes if she's not enjoying it at all. If she starts enjoying it less, vary it, because the idea is to BUILD the pressure and the pleasure. It's a very slow, gentle process.

If it doesn't work, don't worry, it doesn't work on every girl. Try the harder one or the squirting one (internal) and best of all, try licking her pussy to orgasm (write me again if you want that advice).

FINGERING HER CLITTY – harder

Some girls are hypersensitive and like it rough. With these girls, the above will work, and can often lead to more powerful orgasms, but there is a quicker, faster way. That way is fingering her clitoris (same place) much harder, pressing fairly hard down on it with your finger, and rubbing it from side to side.

This way, again, make sure it's really wet and she's horny, then find the clit with your finger (this works standing up really well) and start moving your finger from side to side while pressing on it. As she starts to enjoy it, do it harder and faster. After thirty seconds to two minutes, she'll start really enjoying it, and just keep going harder and faster. Make sure it's wet. Press even harder on the clit itself and keep rubbing from side to side, over and over, as fast as you can.

If this hurts at any time, or she says she doesn't like it, you should stop.

If it works, she'll have, like, a mini-orgasm, where she suddenly goes tense and peaks and cums, quickly, then comes down again. You can keep going and make her cum again. It's not hard. Keep doing it till she gets sore if you like. Some women can orgasm ten or more times like this. My girlfriend and I broke the record when she came over a hundred times this way in less than an hour. So as you can see, this is very very very productive if your girl is hypersensitive and you do it right.

If those two don't work, and she won't tell you how to do it (maybe ‘cause she doesn't know), you need to try the squirting orgasm. This is the BEST of the three and involves going inside. Are you ready? This could change your life and her life…


***

MAKING HER SQUIRT

There are many ways to use your fingers to make a girl go crazy, and some of the best are to be found by simple exploration - try different things, different numbers of fingers, different parts of her pussy and ass, and be innovative and inventive. Some of the best fingering comes in conjunction with oral... but there is one, shining act which transcends all sexuality, and gives a woman - any woman - the best orgasm of her LIFE. If I am sharing this advice with you it's because I think you're a nice guy or girl. This is not the kind of knowledge which should be bestowed upon predators or misogynists. You should only know this and use this if you LOVE women.

Here goes:

Start by performing a little oral on her inner thighs, labia and clitty especially, to get her nice and wet. The rest of this (except for, perhaps, the very end) can be enhanced by continually sucking and licking the clitoris throughout the duration of the act - oral definitely increases the power and pleasure or the female ejaculating orgasm.

Now, take the hand that you write with, and take the two fingers closest to your thumb (your pointer/index finger and your middle finger) and make them wet with your mouth, with hers, or with her pussy juice (she should be glistening wet for this to work properly). MAKE SURE YOUR NAILS ARE TRIMMED AND NOT SHARP.

Slide those two fingers in, with the fingerprint part of the fingers facing up (nails down), slide them in firmly but slowly, as far as they will go without using too much pressure. If she is really tight you make need to start with one, and if there is a lot of wetness but resistance, you may need to tease and taste her pussy some more. Once you get those fingers in, tease her inner walls slowly with the pads of your fingers, and get her even more juicy. When you think that she is ready to have the orgasm of her life, you may begin:

Now you will maneuver your fingers to find her g-spot. Yes, it exists, and yes, every woman has one. Slide your fingers in about 2 inches, UP, and then BACK towards the front of the pussy (like you're going up behind her clitty). Her g-spot is actually a patch of her inner walls which is on the FRONT INNER WALL of her pussy, above the hole itself. So, in, up, and back towards the entrance. You should feel, on that wall, a very rough patch of skin – rougher than the rest of her smooth inner pussy. You've found it. Congratulations.

By making a beckoning motion with your two fingers (a come hither, bending fingers motion), you should be able to pull the fingerprint/pad part of the tips of your two fingers against that spot. Try it. Pull back against it with your two fingers and press a little. Tease it, stimulate it with your fingers. Make her feel good. She should be squirming and breathing very heavily by now.

As you start to rhythmically tap/press/pull your fingertips against the g-spot, she should start getting wetter. If you're doing it right, and she's comfortable with it, you'll start to hear squelching, sponge-like sounds. The g-spot is like a sponge, it contains a lot of liquid, and feels rough. Keep pressing your fingers against it, over and over, rhythmically, with the same kind of rhythm as if you were sliding your cock in and out of her pussy.

As she starts to get wetter, and enjoy it more, start doing it harder. The more she thrashes from side to side, the harder you do it. Eventually, you can replace the tapping/poking of the g-spot with an outright speed-sliding of those two fingers in and out of her hole. Do it faster and faster, maintain the rhythm, but increase the force. Even when you're slamming them straight in and out of her hole, try and maintain an upward, outward force with the fingertips, so you're still pressing up against that g-spot even as you're slamming her with your fingers with reckless abandon.

Through all of this, she should be squelching, squirming and OBVIOUSLY loving it. If she's not, you should stop. If she says it hurts (especially if she says it more than once, you might want to stop or at LEAST slow down or not do it so hard. Make sure she's always wet – not dry for any period of time.

Now here's the crucial part. When she gets close to ejaculation, she will say that she needs to pee. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO PEE. It's just a temporary sensation that will pass, but you have to make sure she knows about it beforehand, and you have to make sure she does not stop you, and you do not desist in your slamming. Hold her legs apart with the other hand, if you have to. You can even use your head or knees or whatever to hold her legs open, but make sure she stays relatively still (or she might get hurt on your fingers) and that you KEEP GOING. In fact, when she needs to pee, that's when you should start doing it harder, cause orgasm is around the corner.

10-50 seconds after the pee sensation begins, she will start to cum. When she does, DON'T STOP. Just do it harder and harder and harder, pressuring the g-spot upwards all the while. Now she should start to ejaculate. She'll scream, and her pussy will start shooting clear (transparent), odorless liquid all over the place. There could be a lot of it, it might soak you completely and soak the sheets and everything around her, so make sure you're prepared.

I guarantee you, if she's never had one before, the squirting orgasm will be the best orgasm of her life. In my experience, 97% of women are capable of having them, and in certain circumstances, I think it's more like 99.9%. If you want her to ejaculate in great volumes, have her drink lots of water before you do it, and stay well hydrated. Once she's finished squirting, SHE CAN SQUIRT AGAIN. Especially if you didn't do it too hard, and still got her to cum, you can usually start all over, and between one and ten minutes later, she'll be squirting again. Usually, you have to do it harder each time. My record is seven. The girl that squirted seven times in 45 minutes passed out for 6 hours afterwards (it's physically exhausting and dehydrating) so be careful if you try more than 2 at once.

Most girls pass out after a couple of them. This can make a girl fall in love and at the very least want to fuck your brains out, so use it wisely rather than to your advantage. Don't take advantage of people using this. If you do it wrong, or if she's on her period, she might bleed. That's usually okay, but just make sure you don't hurt her, and you stop if she's screaming with pain, rather than pleasure. You should always have a safe word with your partner, and you should always make sure she knows what you intend to do and that she's fine with it. Enjoy this, and I hope it works out for you; I hope it works out for HER, even more so. If it does… well, just wait and see. I'm jealous of women because of g-spot orgasms! There's NO male equivalent – it's just absolute ecstasy, nothing less. Remember there are at least fifty ways to make a woman cum (actually lots more) and at least five different types of orgasms so don't limit yourselves to this whether it works or not.

***

Let me know how it goes, Felicia

Sincerely
Fox