About Dale Expertise I can answer questions about marriage, sex, relationships, divorce, and a multitude of sub-catagories related to each of these. I will / can sugar coat answers if you want but often times a hard truth is the best truth of all. I am not a doctor nor do I have a degree but my life experiences as a helper / counselor can be of assitance here. Please provide as much information about your situation as possible to make answering your questions easier. The more information that you provide, the easier it is to understand all aspects of the issue. Remember that all the Experts here are more than happy to take the time and answer your questions. It would be greatly appreciated if you would take the time to read the answers and rate the Expert as you see fit.
Experience My experiences here are broad. Be them personal or as a counselor for the military overseas. I have either seen, done, or been a part of countless issues that I see posted on these forums.
Organizations I work in Europe so I can answer questions during off hours. Meaning that I will check my box at around 7:30am Central European Time (that would be 1:30am EST, 10:30pm PST) and answer questions as they come in. If you're writing a question at night and want an answer when you wake up, I am likely the one for you. I also check my box early in the morning and a couple times in the evenings. I am also an expert in How to Deal with Sex Problems. You can view my ratings in that subject here: http://allexperts.com/expert.cgi?m=1&catID=861&expID=75911
Education/Credentials None, everything that I have to offer is experience based.
Question my boyfriend and i have an amazing sex life. we do everything. really. but the other night we had been drinking and he decided to look at porn while we had sex. i wasn't into it but it wasn't a big deal. the next day i saw what he had been looking at and it was nasty preteen nudist stuff. we're both into "dirty" stuff but that was a little too much for me. especially since when we have sex sometimes he wants me to call him daddy or uncle. i guess i just wanted to know if there are sexual traits in molesters when they're in normal relationships. i've tried to look it up but i found nothing. thanks so much.
Answer Hello Beth
To be honest, this question is better suited for a psychologist but I will tell you my opinion on the matter. Remember that this is only MY opinion.
While it is a bit unsettling that he is into looking at preteen nudism, that does not make him a molester. A bit perverted, but not a molester. The fact that he wants you to call him daddy or uncle leads me to believe that he has incest fantasies as well. While all of this would lead one to think of this person as "dangerous to society", 99% of men with these traits do not act on them with under age girls. It is simply a fetish. Having said that, it is something that should be watched. If the two of you are at the mall and you catch him checking out little girls, then it is possible that he may be in the 1% that wants to take the fetish to the next level.
I'm sure this is quite disturbing for you. The question is: is it something you can live with? Have you talked to him about your concerns? Have you called him daddy or uncle when you are having sex?
If you think this is all to weird for you then it may be best for you to find yourself another boyfriend. I don't think is behavior will change.
Also, you stated "preteen nudist stuff". There is quite a difference between preteen nudist and child pornography. Nudism is accepted in many parts of the world and I, as an American living in Europe, was at first a bit shocked at the how open people are in Europe. Now, it's just part of my life. If I go to the sauna it is not uncommon to see an entire family there ranging from grandmother to 10 year old.
Your best bet is to sit down and discuss your concerns with him. If it is something you can live with, go ahead and get into his fantasy with him. Try it once and see how you feel about calling him "daddy" when you are having sex. It may be good for you too. You never know until you try and you can't try until you have an open mind.
As I said before, this is only MY opinion. It may be best to ask one of the experts in the psychology area of this site.
