About Martin M Expertise I can talk sense about sex. I am not a doctor, nor a psychiatrist, but I can put any problem in an objective context and advise or explain. I do not judge. I do not think in terms of Bible or socially-accepted, but I realize those aspects are very much there.
Experience
Past/Present clients I advised and helped hundreds of people who had problems and questions about sexuality and relationships. I manned a telephone at the NVSH (Dutch society for sexual reformation revaluation, emancipation ? it translates awkwardly) in a medium-large town in Holland. My core message was and is that any kind of sex is as good as it feels, thoughts are free, feelings are true and looks are on the outside only.
Question -------------------------
Followup To
Question -
My boyfriend has a small penis and I don't wanna cheat on him but he doesn't satify me with it. Can you give me some poitions for deeper penetration or maybe some tips on how to make it better.
Answer -
Dear Tasha,
I'll have to ask you to fill me in a bit further. Before I can answer properly, I need to know more about the background of the problem, so that I know where to look for a solution.
How long and thick is your friend's penis? Did others satisfy you? Ever masturbated? With satisfy, do you mean ‘getting an orgasm' or ‘having a good time'? Do you pay extra attention to your clitoris during sex? What positions DO you use now? The more you tell, the better the answer. I hope to hear soon.
Yours,
martin
Well his penis is about 5 maybe 5 1/2 inches and maybe 1 1/2 inches thick, and yes others have satisfied me as far as a good time, but not like an orgasm. When you say "pay extra attention to the clitoris" what do you mean, like play with it during sex? And as far as positions, we use doggie style and I ride him while he puts his finger in my ass and that feels good sometimes, but when we do it missionary, he grinds on me so hard until I'm really sore around lips of my vagina and perineal area like the morning after, he thinks he goes deeper then. The only way he satifies me is through oral sex and it still takes a long time for me to get off. I love him and he's a great person but I need more then oral sex! Is there a secret to making it feel bigger, because sometimes I have to fake it and I hate that, he's totally satified and I'm on the other end acting as if I am.
Answer Dear Tasha,
Your friends penis is slightly bigger than average, I don't think that's the problem. And getting it deep inside feels ‘fulfilled' but for sexual stimulation it's not very relevant. Focus on the outside, especially the clitoris. Yes, play with it during sex. And aim for the (possible) G-spot.
The G-spot CAN help a lot, but it often is not sensitive enough to matter much. (It is to be found around one inch inside tha vagina, on it's ‘roof'. Put one finger deep inside (palm up) and crook the finger as in “come hither”. If the spot is there, you'll feel it.)
The clitoris is for a woman what the head of the penis is for the man. The two are actually two variants of the same organ. It's a little round thingy – like a small pea- that usually lies hidden between the fold of the inner vaginal lips (the tent-like ‘hood') where they meet at the top (nearest the belly).
Friction on or inside the vagina does not affect it a lot, which would explain why sex is not all that spectacular for you. Since the penis goes in the vagina, down below, and the clitoris is way up, ordinary sex does not always give the woman an orgasm. Oral usually goes for the outside of the pussy and gets a lot closer to the clitoris, but if the tongue is not precisely focussed ON it, stimulation is haphazard and intermittent – by accident.
I think you (both) need to find your clitoris and learn (trial and error) how to stimulate it best. Start with feeling the little bump in the ‘hood' and rubbing it from outside. Then see what happens if you pull the lips apart and upwards, if the clit can be seen and rubbed directly (wet finger!) or licked good and hard. Also check for the G-spot in the place where I said it should be.
If you find that either or both spots make a difference, get them to play a part in your sex. Best way to get both: you lie on top of your friend, on your back, he enters you from behind. That points the tip of his penis against the roof of your vagina (the G-spot) and leaves your clitoris exposed so that both of you can reach it to play with it. If you want him in deeper, sit half up.
If you can't find the clit and/or G-spot or if the difference is not worth while (don't give up too soon, though, give it a few weeks to get it right) ask again.
