Expert: Christa - 4/6/2008

Question
Hi Christa,

Impressed with your profile. So much so I feel confident asking a question.

Since my divorce over 4 years ago, I've been fortunate to be able to date often and be the most sexual in years. One thing I've found is that while the total emotional, affectionate, lovemaking can be pleasing to women, they differ in their orgasms. Some reach it easily, others take months while others struggle to ever get there. As difficult as it is not to doubt yourself as a man, their stories of other men not taking them to that special moment make me realize I'm not the only schmuck.

With some women, I've found if the emotional connection is strong enough, we find a way for them to orgasm, the cherry on top or icing on the cake moment before cuddling, kissing and enjoying the afterglow.

But other women, well, wow, I feel like such a failure. We get close but can't get over the hump. I never, ever mention climaxing to them as to not focus on that or make them feel pressured but any advice on technique?\r

I am romantic and am big into flirting and non-sexual touching but I give myself something short of an "A" when it comes to the rest.

Thanks for your understanding and best wishes on your business.

Mike

Answer
Hi Mike,

You, my friend, are a breath of fresh air. Many men tend to pressure women and question them and that adds to the stress of not having optimal freedom to enjoy the romantic evening as a whole. Thank you so much for your patience and willingness to set a woman at ease with your compassion and want to avoid pressuring them.

You are correct, if there is a strong emotional connection, many women can easily arrive at the climax. You also have to take into consideration that many women have issues climaxing because of their emotional baggage and for lack of a better word "damage" that occurred to them in their lives that contribute to their inability to finish or be vulnerable to allowing themselves to "let go" and fully take in the sexual intimacy. (try your best to avoid taking it personal...you are too sweet for that!)

I can only tell you that you are on the right track. The best thing that I can advise you (overall) is to really look for the "right girl" to invest a lot of quality time into. You can't rescue the ladies that need to actually address and deal with personal issues. You will most definitely leave a lasting impression on the ladies who have never had a partner that holds the qualities you have. As for techniques, I would tell you to look into buying a few great books written by Dr.Sadie Allison. "Tickle Your Fancy" is all about self pleasuring for HER, "Toy-Gasms" is all about Toy play for BOTH guys & gals, "Ride'em CowGirl" her newest book is all about positions. I can assist you if you'd like to order any of these. They are easy to read and non threatening. I highly recommend her books (until I finish writing MY OWN, that is!! LOL). If I can offer you further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me here at AllExperts OR at my boutique X's & O's Lingerie via email
xs-and-os@sbcglobal.net (remind me that we chatted here). You can also check out my website (www.xsandoslingerie.com) if it would help you get additional ideas for expanding upon your skills or broaden your horizons!

Mike, it was GREAT hearing from you. PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me again. I hope I have helped you in someway. Best of luck to you!!