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Sex Toys/Questions about dildos and harness

I'm in my 50s and have a gf about 20 years younger than I. I'm from the U.S. and now live in Central America.

I suffer from an E.D. problem that Viagra, etc. don't help. I have a strong sex drive in that I want sex a lot, even though I have an orgasm about half the time...or less frequently. My gf also has a high sex drive and said she loves to have sex in a variety of positions. Because of my E.D. problem, we're very limited in positions and by my inability to get fully hard. Fortunately, she has huge orgasms when I stimulate her manually.

When we recently talked about how to add variety to our sex lives together, we both agreed that using some sex toys makes sense. I have no experience at all with sex toys; she says she has very little experience. She said she doesn't have enough experience to tell me what she likes and doesn't like: she's open to try whatever I get. She did ask if I could get they toys from the U.S., because the quality of virtually everything is low here.

Besides getting a couple of vibrators, I want to get us one or two dildos. I'd like to get at least one dildo that straps on so I can penetrate her that way

1. Since she loves to have sex in a wide variety of positions, what characteristics of one or two dildos do you think are important? From what I've read online, it seems the size (especially girth) and materials used to make the dildo are a couple of factors that could affect the ability to have sex in different positions with a dildo. I'm sure there are other factors.

2. What do you suggest about the size of a dildo to get, since she said she doesn't have enough experience to give me any guidance on that? She's about 5'4" with a medium skeletal frame. She's had a lot of sexual experience, so the odds are good she's been with one or more guys who were large. When penetrating her manually, it seems to me she could accept a thick penis.

Maybe get a couple of dildos... one about average size and the other somewhat bigger? It takes quite awhile to get products from the U.S., so I'd prefer to get a couple and try them both out if that makes sense.

3. How do you recommend I find a harness that will allow me to use a variety of dildos in the future if this works out well?

After suffering from E.D. for many years in a marriage in which my wife was not interested in experimenting with any sex toys, I'm really excited about the possibility of adding variety to my sex life with sex toys. My gf and I have a very good relationship... and it looks like there are ways to make the sexual aspect of it even better!

I welcome all of your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks!

Hello Paul,

Thank you for your question and your detailed explanation of the issues as well as some ideas on what you both may be looking for.  This is extremely helpful to me, to help guide you on the right track.

There are two types of dildos that you could try.  One is a regular dildo (solid), while the other would be a hollow type dildo or what is called a penis extension.  The solid type dildo would be used instead of the penis, whereas the hollow extension can be used with your penis inside of it.  Since you do still have a strong sexual drive and enjoy the pleasure, I would recommend trying an extension, as well as a regular strap on dildo.  Both types of toys can be used with a sturdy harness.  

For the regular dildos there are two types of harnesses. A regular strapped harness and one that is called a Vacu-lock system, where the dildo locks into the harness.  There are pros and cons to both.  With regular harnesses any type of dildo with a flared base can be used with it, so it is more versatile.  With the vac-u-lock harness, it will only fit dildos made specifically for that kind of harness, however it locks much more securely, and gives you better control over the dildo during use.  Luckily, the vac-u-lock has many different types of dildos to choose from, but the choices are still somewhat limited.

For the harness, I would recommend one that is more versatile, since you do want to try various types of dildos out and not be limited by your choices. I prefer a leather harness as it is the most sturdy and gives greater control over Nylon, and much more comfortable, and will last a long time.  To me it is worth the money to get a good quality one.  They also usually come with a range of O rings, for fitting different sized dildos and have adjustable straps and stay on very secure.  The harness is probably the most important thing to consider for you, so I would get a good quality one.

As far as dildo size, the average size of a man's penis on the large size is 8 inches. So, usually that is enough to satisfy most women, however she may like a bit bigger. If you choose longer, then that is fine as you don't have to penetrate her with the whole length, only up until where she is satisfied. For girth, you can actually measure girth when you are satisfying your girlfriend with your fingers, see how many she likes inside and then measure the circumference around those fingers with a string.  That will give you a good idea of what type of girth she likes when you go shopping.

Dildos.  There are many different types of dildos as you already know from reading about them. The first thing to consider is does she like G spot stimulation or deep penetration. Many women enjoy G spot stimulation and G spot dildos are different than straight penetrating ones.  G spot dildos are slightly curved (C-shaped) and usually have a bulbous rounded head to massage the G spot.  Deep penetration dildos are straight, and meant to be thrust deeper. She may also like both, so you may want to try two different types to see.

For materials I recommend silicone.  It is firm, yet flexible so perfect for both G spot and deep penetrations.  It is hypo-allergenic, and non-porous which means it won't hold bacteria when properly cleaned and sanitized. Best of all, it is a soft, bendable material that feels great.  If you do decide to get a silicone dildo, get some good quality water-based lubricant as well, as you can't use silicone lubes on silicone toys.  Also, silicone dildos are very sturdy and durable and will allow for the widest range of positions.  Speaking of positions, you many want to look at some Liberator Shapes, like the Wedge, that is used for couples to more easily get into different sexual positions, more comfortably.

For penis extensions there are a variety of ones that will fit with a harness.  Make sure it says that it is harness compatible, and that it has a bit of a flange on the end that goes against your body.  This holds the extender firmly in place.  I would also go with a silicone one, rather than rubber, TPR or cyberskin. Those materials have toxins, so I don't like to recommend them to anyone as I wouldn't use them myself. And, silicone resonates vibration well, so you may get some feeling through the material while you use it on her.

For E.D. you may also want to try a cock ring. These help keep the blood in the penis when it become erect, so you could use this before you put on the extension. And, there are various vibrating cockrings that are great for couples, to give you both added pleasure. Used with the vibrating part on the top side of the penis, this aids in clitoral stimulation for her during penetration, and you can get ones with two vibrators, one on top and one below to pleasure you as well.

If you are looking for a shop in the US I recommend this one, here is the strap on section-

If you look in the sidebar it allows you to define your choices by various attributes (size, girth, material, etc...) until you find the product best for you. They also have competitive prices and ship to Central America.

Here are their silicone dildos-[0]=54
Penis Extenders-
and cock rings-

You should have lots of fun browsing the products together and deciding what you would like to get.  If you need any help with selection, or want to know more about a specific product, let me know, as I have used and reviewed many of these products myself and am happy to give you more information to help you choose.

Wish you both the best and I'm sure this experience is going to enhance your sex life.  It is so great to hear about couples wanting to try new things together, to bring more pleasure to their lives.

And, if you need some advice about vibrators, let me know, as you did mention you may want to try some of those as well.



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I am your Personal Pleasure Guide and I can answer questions about any sex toy on the market, including toys for women, men, transgender, bi, gay, lesbian or other. My specialties include women's sexuality, sexual pleasure and sex toys for women, including the G-spot, body safe lubricants, sex toy materials, including those to avoid. I also know a lot about men's sex toys include dolls, c-rings, prostate stimulators, anal toys, and masturbators. I have extensive knowledge about bondage and kink toys including proper and safe usage, as well as sex toys for couples and romance products to help spice up and enhance your relationship. In addition to sex toys, I am very knowledgeable about sexuality, the sexual response cycle, and sexual anatomy, so can advise you on the best toys for specific body parts and how to use them for maximum benefit. I have tested numerous sensation and stimulating creams as well, so can advise on these type of products, if they work, how to use them, and what products to avoid. If you are wondering about a product comparison, I can give you my honest opinion on many varieties of a similar toy type, including pros and cons of each. In addition to sex toy questions, I do have a lot of knowledge about human sexuality and relationships as well and have answered questions about open relationships, erectile dysfunction, and other issues. If I don't have the answer myself, I will find it for you, as well as other resources to check out. My G+ Profile is here-


As as pleasure consultant, I have worked for 6 years in various sex toy shops, including brick and mortar shops where I advised customers on what types of toys they may like to purchase, as well as educating them on the toys and sexuality in general. For the past 5 years I have honestly reviewed over 1000 sex toy products, including creating a guide to body safe lubes (paraben and glycerin free), written articles on sex toy materials and some known toxins, sex toy safety, glass toys and their safety, Eco-friendly sex toys, sex toys for women, men and couples to share. I have an established sex toy review blog with over 5000 articles, reviews and sexual information posts, and have gained a reputation as a sex toy expert.

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My main emphasis is writing sex educational review of sexuality products for the adult public via my blog and various other publications. I have also written articles and product descriptions for various sex toys shops including, TabuToys, Pink Cherry, Babeland, Good Vibes,, MyTickleSpot, as well as numerous specialty shops and manufacturers of quality sex toy products. Manufacturers include Lelo, We-Vibe, Cal Exotics, Pipedreams, Sportsheets, Ruby Glass, Happy Valley, Fun Factory, Vibratex, Liberator, Adam & Eve, Dr Laura Berman Intimate Basics, Big Teaze Toys, Tantus and more.

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