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QUESTION: Morning Domina,

I feel embarrased typing this but i wanted to ask your thoughts on the following issue i have -

Both my wife and i are 26 and have been married two years.  We always had an excellent sex life, and are both physically fit.  My wife used to be a fitness model and did dome bikini shoots in her early 20's so fancying her has never been an issue.

At the start of this year she told me she was having breast implants, which came as a big suprise.  She paid for them and went up to a large size for her toned and slim body.  Well after having them done her outfits for going out became very revealing and when she went out with just her female friends men have approached her asking if she was a porn star because of her look.

Our sex life became less and less and she always told me she was tired.

But on Saturday, whilst doing a pre-Christmas clear out, i found the biggest dildo imaginable hidden in our bedroom.  It's absolutely massive.  When my wife came home i asked her what she was doing with that and she said she'd had it for a few months, and bought it out of curiosity.  She said it really hurt her at first but she became used to it after a few weeks and has been using it every day and is addicted to the size of it.

Last night we attempted to have sex and the dildo has stretched her so much she couldnt feel me inside her and we ended up stopping and she continued, whilst i went to sleep, with the huge dildo.

Why has she become obsessed with it?  The size is scarily big but she's obviously used it that much she believes its a normal size and i no longer satisfy her.


ANSWER: Hello Rod,

So sorry to hear you are having trouble with your relationship.  I can't say why your wife wants to use this dildo, or has become obsessed with it, but it is definitely causing a problem in your relationship.  However, from what you have said above, it sounds like there were already a few problems to begin with: that she seemed uninterested in sex with you for a while and that she got breast implants without really discussing this with you before hand.  While it is her body and she is free to do what she likes with it, it seems strange that she would just spring this on you without any warning.

There definitely seems to be a big communication problem here.  I don't know all the details, but it sounds like you are very upset, and rightly so.  I would be worried if my spouse was no longer interested in sex with me, and was using something else instead.  Using sex toys together is fine, and even solo, but it should not get in the way of a real sexual relationship with your spouse.

The only thing I can really advise is to talk to her about how you feel.  And, while it is normal for couple's to loose the spark they once had for each other during sex, you haven't been together that long for that to happen (two years) really, so I worry there may be something else that is the problem.

So talk to her about how you feel, how the relationship is going, and find out why she seems to be unsatisfied.  Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to these problems, but I wish you the best.  I hope this helps.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thankyou for replying to me Domina,

I had a long chat with her after i read through your response this morning.

She said that after she had the breast implants she loved the compliments she received from good looking men and women and she often found herself watching porn on the internet and browsing for extra large dildo's, which is when she bought it.  She told me that the challenge of fitting it inside her turned her on and it is at the point now where she just didnt feel me inside her at all and i no longer satisfy her needs sexually.

She suggested considering a more open relationship, or even swinging, to spice things up between us.  I said i would think about what she has said to me and get back to her.


ANSWER: Hello Rod,

I'm glad you both had a talk.  At least now you know where you stand in the relationship, and it does seems that she still does want to be together.  

If you are considering having an open relationship, you may want to get this book-

It is fairly comprehensive about open relationships, swinging and how to avoid the many issues that may arise.

I wish you the best of luck.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thankyou for recomending the book, i've ordered it.

I won't hastle you, i appreciate you're busy Domina.

She's told me that at the moment she still wants to be with me but very much believes an open relationship will give her the sexual freedom she feels she needs.  She said she is going to continue using the dildo because she's gone off having sex with me presently, but isnt rulling out re-starting a sexual relationship with me if we begin a more open relationship.


Hello Rod,

Well, do what is right for you. Don't do something just because it is what she wants, you need to feel right about it as well and do what your heart feels, and also take care of your own needs.  Hopefully what you want and she wants is compatible, or you can both find some middle ground, so you both get what you want/need from the relationship.

And, be wary of open relationships.  Sometimes they do work, but there are a lot of problems that can arise out of them like jealousy issues, or not feeling you are being loved, etc... So reading that book will help you be aware of the issues that can come up, but be careful not to get hurt.  Also continue to be open about how you feel, communication is key with any relationship, especially if you are considering starting an open one.

However, sometimes a couple will just become not interested in each other sexually, but still can maintain a loving, caring relationship together.  That's okay to, if it is what you both want.

Best of luck for you both.


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