Sex Toys/Sexual Dilemma


Question
Hi,

My name is Jen and I have been dating this guy for about four months now. We get all hot and bothered and get each other off using a ton of foreplay. The first time we tried to physically have sex...we couldn't. I was way too tight! We tried several different times and positions but nothing worked. I felt awful. The strange thing is, I have slept with one other person before, and had no problem. So this question has several parts. 1) Why was I able to fit my ex and not my current bf?

I googled this problem and found out that there is something (and for the life of me I forget what it's called) where a woman can get so nervous and too much in her head, that her vagina literally says 'nope, not gonna open'. These women affected by this have a hard time using tampons too (I am one of these). So that brings me to the second part of the question- is this a legitimate thing? And what can I do about it?

The suggestions I found online about how to resolve this all came back to getting wet, comfortable and using a toy. I'm going to a sex shop this week to pick up a toy to help with this whole thing, but I don't know where to begin! And this is the final part of my question- How do I choose a dildo/vibrator that's best for my current situation?

Thanks for your help.

Answer
Hello Jen,

Thank you for your question.

1) Why was I able to fit my ex and not my current bf?

Well, our sexual organs are all shaped different, some larger, some smaller, etc...  According to the Kama Sutra, men and women come in three classes or sizes:

Men's penis sizes:

Hare- Small
Bull- Average
Horse- Large

Women's vagina sizes:

Doe- Small
Mare- Average
Elephant- Deep

There are three equal unions between persons of corresponding dimensions, and there are six unequal unions, when the dimensions do not correspond.

So, it may be that you and your current BF don't have genital sizes that correspond (or fit) each other.

However, it sounds like the issue may be more to do with your small vagina, as you have a hard time using tampons.  Luckily, there is a way to fix this, by using vaginal dilators.

Dr. Laura Berman has made a dilator set for women to allow you to accommodate a larger sized penis without discomfort and pain):

http://www.sextoy.com/Extras/Ben-Wa-Balls-and-Kegel-Exercisers/Kegel-Exercisers/

And, here is a good guide on how to use them-
http://pelvicguru.com/2013/08/30/vaginal-dilator-guide-for-patients-part-1/

The condition you may have (Vaginismus)-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

So, practice with these, and eventually you should be able to accommodate your partner.

Remember to use lots of lube for training and during sex.  Apply more as needed.  Relax, take a hot bath and get a massage beforehand with your lover if you can.  Breath deeply and he has to make sure he goes extra slow during penetration. He can start with one finger, then two and work his way up to his penis, if you feel comfortable during that process.  Don't force it.  Use lots of stimulation of the clitoris, vulva and G-spot, and any other area that makes you hot before and during intercourse.

Hope that helps!

Domina  

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Domina

Expertise

I am your Personal Pleasure Guide and I can answer questions about any sex toy on the market, including toys for women, men, transgender, bi, gay, lesbian or other. My specialties include women's sexuality, sexual pleasure and sex toys for women, including the G-spot, body safe lubricants, sex toy materials, including those to avoid. I also know a lot about men's sex toys include dolls, c-rings, prostate stimulators, anal toys, and masturbators. I have extensive knowledge about bondage and kink toys including proper and safe usage, as well as sex toys for couples and romance products to help spice up and enhance your relationship. In addition to sex toys, I am very knowledgeable about sexuality, the sexual response cycle, and sexual anatomy, so can advise you on the best toys for specific body parts and how to use them for maximum benefit. I have tested numerous sensation and stimulating creams as well, so can advise on these type of products, if they work, how to use them, and what products to avoid. If you are wondering about a product comparison, I can give you my honest opinion on many varieties of a similar toy type, including pros and cons of each. In addition to sex toy questions, I do have a lot of knowledge about human sexuality and relationships as well and have answered questions about open relationships, erectile dysfunction, and other issues. If I don't have the answer myself, I will find it for you, as well as other resources to check out. My G+ Profile is here- https://plus.google.com/u/0/116207828728706505588?rel=author

Experience

As as pleasure consultant, I have worked for 6 years in various sex toy shops, including brick and mortar shops where I advised customers on what types of toys they may like to purchase, as well as educating them on the toys and sexuality in general. For the past 5 years I have honestly reviewed over 1000 sex toy products, including creating a guide to body safe lubes (paraben and glycerin free), written articles on sex toy materials and some known toxins, sex toy safety, glass toys and their safety, Eco-friendly sex toys, sex toys for women, men and couples to share. I have an established sex toy review blog with over 5000 articles, reviews and sexual information posts, and have gained a reputation as a sex toy expert.

Organizations
Society for Human Sexuality, San Francisco Club Cal Exotics Xbiz Real Sex Toy Reviews

Publications
PopMyCherryReview.com, Sex Life Canada, BlogHer.com, the Sex Carnival, Whiplash!, SMUT, Divine Caroline, Carnal nation, Good Vibes magazine, Lover Magazine, Broken Pencil, AltSexTalk, Ezine Articles, Real Sex Toy Reviews, Boinkology, Examiner, Vibrator.com, and many more.

Education/Credentials
6 years working in the sex toy industry 5 years reviewing sex toys and writing articles on sexuality BFA and a BA Numerous workshops on sexuality and sex toys in general.

Awards and Honors
Governor General's Award for the highest GPA

Past/Present Clients
My main emphasis is writing sex educational review of sexuality products for the adult public via my blog and various other publications. I have also written articles and product descriptions for various sex toys shops including Sextoy.com, TabuToys, Pink Cherry, Babeland, Good Vibes, Vibrator.com, MyTickleSpot, as well as numerous specialty shops and manufacturers of quality sex toy products. Manufacturers include Lelo, We-Vibe, Cal Exotics, Pipedreams, Sportsheets, Ruby Glass, Happy Valley, Fun Factory, Vibratex, Liberator, Adam & Eve, Dr Laura Berman Intimate Basics, Big Teaze Toys, Tantus and more.

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