Sex Toys/anal toy

QUESTION: Hi, my wife has brought up the idea of using a toy on me, I don't want to refuse, ( i am even slightly turned on at the idea actually) but I'm a little apprehensive at the idea of submitting myself to that extent, as wellas the discomfort aspect. Is there anything I can do to prepare myself?  What kind of sensation can I expect, and if I do it do u think she will look down on me in any way? ( I considered fingering myself whilemasturbating to try and get an idea, is that a normal thing for a straight male to do?) I apologize for the llength of the question.

ANSWER: Hello Steve,

Thank you for your questions.

These are all very good questions, so don't feel weird asking them at all.

I think your wife wants to try this on you to give you pleasure.  I'm sure she wouldn't look down on you at all for opening up and receiving this pleasure.  It takes a strong man who is confident with their own sexuality to open up in this way, so if anything, she should see you as strong for taking this first step.

Yes, there are several things you can do yourself to explore and get you ready for the first time.  Definitely try fingering yourself during masturbation to see how it feels, how deep is pleasurable, what kind of strokes feel best and so on.  You may want to use a glove and make sure to use lots of lube as well.

Read this article on anal sex for newbies as well:

There are lots of good advice on dos and don'ts of anal sex and also warm up ideas.  While it is geared at women, they are the same dos and donts.

When exploring anal sex for the first time, you should do this alone without your partner so you can see how it feels, if you like it and so you don't feel pressure from your partner to perform.

For men, the prostate is a source of incredible pleasure.  So this is the area where you'll want to explore.  It is only a couple inches inside the anus, so your finger should be able to reach, although a small dildo or prostate toy would help you reach it easier.

Here is some more good info on prostate play-

So, when you want to explore this with toys I would start with either an anal trainer kit which has up to 4 anal toys of different sizes, so you can start small and grow into larger ones.  Or, if you want to try pegging with your partner (she uses a strap on dildo and harness on you), then I would try the Bend Over Boyfriend Beginner's kit which has two small dildos to start with.  Either way you choose to go, you should still try the toys on yourself first to get used to them and then when you feel confident, you can try them with her using them on you.

When doing this with a partner, you have to be the one who is in control, even if she is penetrating you.  So there has to be a lot of communication.  How fast or slow, how deep, yes this feels good, no I don't like that, etc...  And, of course she needs to take it very slow and let you build your trust.  So I would advise you to share those articles with her as well before you both begin exploring anal/prostate play together.

The sensation you can expect?  This is different for everyone, so it is hard to say.  When done properly, most men enjoy the sensation of having their prostate stimulated, and it is more orgasmic for many men.  That said, you shouldn't experience pain or discomfort if you do it correctly: go slow, use lots of lube (silicone is best, unless you are using silicone toys), start with very small toys, or one finger at a time, get warmed up first, etc...

So, I would say go for it.  But use all the precautions I've mentioned above.

If you have any more questions about this, let me know.

Happy Orgasms!

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QUESTION: Hi, thank u so much for your advice. Originally this all came about when I asked her for anal. So now that I fulfilled my end of the bargain hopefully my reward will come soon. But as u said , I fingered myself during masturbation so I wasn't completely shocked when she penetrated me. And I actually came like crazy while she was pounding me without either of us touching my penis. Is that normal??  The thing is, despite us being pretty young ( 20) we dont have sex often ( about once ir twice a week, and only twice since we had a baby four months ago) and now I can't imagine not having anal stimulation the next time. Is that normal? Thank u so much for your help. And if she lets me give her anal, I will use the advice in your article

Hello Steve,

Well I'm glad you tried it out with your wife and had such great results!

Is having an orgasm normal for men when receiving anal sex?  It depends on the person, but in many cases YES, men do have explosive orgasms when receiving anal sex, even when their penis is not being touched.  That is because the prostate, as you have found out, is very orgasmic and stimulating it can lead to very intense orgasms.  So congratulations to you for exploring your sexual pleasure and finding that out.  And, yes, if it feels that great, I imagine you will want to do it again and again.  That is perfectly normal.

For her, receiving anal sex will be different. For one thing, she doesn't have a prostate, so stimulation anally will not feel the same as it did for you.  She may like it and she may not.  Her G-spot can be stimulated anally, so she may enjoy that.

But I encourage you both to keep exploring different ways to have sex together.  There are so many possibilities.

Happy Orgasms!

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I am your Personal Pleasure Guide and I can answer questions about any sex toy on the market, including toys for women, men, transgender, bi, gay, lesbian or other. My specialties include women's sexuality, sexual pleasure and sex toys for women, including the G-spot, body safe lubricants, sex toy materials, including those to avoid. I also know a lot about men's sex toys include dolls, c-rings, prostate stimulators, anal toys, and masturbators. I have extensive knowledge about bondage and kink toys including proper and safe usage, as well as sex toys for couples and romance products to help spice up and enhance your relationship. In addition to sex toys, I am very knowledgeable about sexuality, the sexual response cycle, and sexual anatomy, so can advise you on the best toys for specific body parts and how to use them for maximum benefit. I have tested numerous sensation and stimulating creams as well, so can advise on these type of products, if they work, how to use them, and what products to avoid. If you are wondering about a product comparison, I can give you my honest opinion on many varieties of a similar toy type, including pros and cons of each. In addition to sex toy questions, I do have a lot of knowledge about human sexuality and relationships as well and have answered questions about open relationships, erectile dysfunction, and other issues. If I don't have the answer myself, I will find it for you, as well as other resources to check out. My G+ Profile is here-


As as pleasure consultant, I have worked for 6 years in various sex toy shops, including brick and mortar shops where I advised customers on what types of toys they may like to purchase, as well as educating them on the toys and sexuality in general. For the past 5 years I have honestly reviewed over 1000 sex toy products, including creating a guide to body safe lubes (paraben and glycerin free), written articles on sex toy materials and some known toxins, sex toy safety, glass toys and their safety, Eco-friendly sex toys, sex toys for women, men and couples to share. I have an established sex toy review blog with over 5000 articles, reviews and sexual information posts, and have gained a reputation as a sex toy expert.

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6 years working in the sex toy industry 5 years reviewing sex toys and writing articles on sexuality BFA and a BA Numerous workshops on sexuality and sex toys in general.

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My main emphasis is writing sex educational review of sexuality products for the adult public via my blog and various other publications. I have also written articles and product descriptions for various sex toys shops including, TabuToys, Pink Cherry, Babeland, Good Vibes,, MyTickleSpot, as well as numerous specialty shops and manufacturers of quality sex toy products. Manufacturers include Lelo, We-Vibe, Cal Exotics, Pipedreams, Sportsheets, Ruby Glass, Happy Valley, Fun Factory, Vibratex, Liberator, Adam & Eve, Dr Laura Berman Intimate Basics, Big Teaze Toys, Tantus and more.

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