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Sex Toys/Don't want to frighten

Hi there, I have a somewhat uncomfortable question,  I am a male and I for a long time I've fantasized about my wife wearing a strap on toy to penetrate me anally, I finally asked how she would feel using a small toy on my during oral sex and she reluctantly agreed. So I bought a very small toy and tried it ( alone) and it felt good but provided very little stimulation, and only really did anything for me when trusted hard. Do you have any tips for a toy that will provide more feeling without scaring off my wife andtips to get her to actually "fuck" me with it? Best wishes

Hi Charles,

Thank you for your question.

Congratulations on talking to your wife about your turn-ons.  It sometimes takes a lot of courage to do that, so Bravo!

I would talk to your wife more about why you'd like to try anal pleasure.  For one, the prostate is the most erogenous zone on the male body (next to his penis) and you can't really reach it without going inside the anus. Many men report prostate stimulation via anal play as the most explosive way to achieve mind blowing orgasms.  Maybe if she understands this, she may be more eager to play with you?  Also, let her know that a man wanting to try anal play is not abnormal, and it doesn't make you gay.  It is about achieving pleasure, and expanding your sexual boundaries and you want her to be a part of that.

Now, what toys to try.  I recommend the Beginners Strap on Kit by Tantus-

It is very comfortable for her to wear, comes with 2 dildos (one small and less intimidating and one larger for when you get more used to anal play). Both dildos are curved for prostate stimulation, are made from body safe silicone and can be sterilized which is important for anal play.

You can try the dildos on yourself first (highly recommended), so you can get used to how they feel and then tell her how to use them on you.

Another toy called the Aneros is used solo, but you can use it with a partner too.  The reason why I recommend this toy is that it is awesome for prostate stimulation, because by design it hits the spot perfectly.  So you are sure to get stimulation from this toy.

Pegging Tips:

   Practice before you perform.  Wear your new strap on and practice with it in front of a mirror before you play with your partner.  You want to get used to the feeling and look of wielding a strap on as well as learn how to thrust with it.  This will make you much more comfortable and less self-conscious when you do go to use it for real.
   Explore his anus with your fingers first.  The anal canal is curved so doing this will give you an idea of the angle you will need to use for penetration.  Of course, this is also important to get him warmed up and turned on so he is ready for the dildo.  You can start with a rosebud massage where you rub the anal opening with your fingers (make sure your nails are trimmed or use gloves) and massage it with lots of lube.
   Make sure he is totally ready and relaxed.  The more relaxed he is, the easier it will be to penetrate him.  Some people enjoy taking bath beforehand to relax and also clean their butt before anal sex.
   Use lots of lube.  Make sure to use lots of lube when using a strap on dildo.  Sex toys and dildos tend to be less slippery than the real thing, so using lube is an absolute must.  In addition, the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina and therefore needs LOTS MORE lubrication.  Get a good, thick anal lube that will last longer than standard lube.
   Use a condom.  If you plan on using your strap on dildo with more than one partner, using it for anal and vaginal sex, or if the material is porous, you should use a condom over it.  Condoms also make clean up easier, especially after anal sex.  Be sure to change condoms when going between vaginal and anal sex to avoid contamination by bacteria. Be sure to also use a condom with various partners to avoid the spread of STDs.
   Use your hand to position and hold the base of the dildo for more control during thrusting.
   Try various sex positions.  This is rather obvious, but some sex positions will be easier than others when using a strap on.  For pegging, bend over boyfriend (doggie style) is the most popular, but you could also try missionary with his hips propped on a pillow and legs raised, and spooning may be a comfortable positions to try as well.
   Get feedback.  This is very important when you are having any type of sex, but is particular important for strap on sex and anal sex.  You canít feel with your dildo, so it is hard to know how deep you are thrusting, what angle you are at, or how that feels to your partner.  In addition, with anal sex, the one being penetrated should be in control over the depth, force and speed of the penetration, so their feedback is important.  Watch for body language and ask for feedback on whether what you are doing feels good or not.
   If you are pegging or having strap on anal sex for the first time, you should go slow to begin with.  The anus is not like the vagina and requires a lot of lubrication.  In addition, it doesnít stretch as much and isnít as resilient.  To begin with, start simply by rubbing the tip of your dildo over the opening of the anus (which is well lubricated), and slowly insert just the head.  Stop and wait for your partnerís reaction.  If this feels good, continue, slowly inserting the dildo one inch at a time, until your partner becomes accustomed to it.  Again, follow tip 9 and get feedback from your partner.
   Stop if your partner experiences any discomfort or pain.  This means stop moving right away and wait to get instructions from your partner on whether you should continue or withdraw completely.  Play safe and have fun!

Also, you can read my post here about anal play for beginners-

I also recommend sharing some info with your wife on this topic as well. Anal play between couples is quite popular now and not as taboo as it used to be.

Another good article here-

And, this is a great site and book-

Hope that helps!

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I am your Personal Pleasure Guide and I can answer questions about any sex toy on the market, including toys for women, men, transgender, bi, gay, lesbian or other. My specialties include women's sexuality, sexual pleasure and sex toys for women, including the G-spot, body safe lubricants, sex toy materials, including those to avoid. I also know a lot about men's sex toys include dolls, c-rings, prostate stimulators, anal toys, and masturbators. I have extensive knowledge about bondage and kink toys including proper and safe usage, as well as sex toys for couples and romance products to help spice up and enhance your relationship. In addition to sex toys, I am very knowledgeable about sexuality, the sexual response cycle, and sexual anatomy, so can advise you on the best toys for specific body parts and how to use them for maximum benefit. I have tested numerous sensation and stimulating creams as well, so can advise on these type of products, if they work, how to use them, and what products to avoid. If you are wondering about a product comparison, I can give you my honest opinion on many varieties of a similar toy type, including pros and cons of each. In addition to sex toy questions, I do have a lot of knowledge about human sexuality and relationships as well and have answered questions about open relationships, erectile dysfunction, and other issues. If I don't have the answer myself, I will find it for you, as well as other resources to check out. My G+ Profile is here-


As as pleasure consultant, I have worked for 6 years in various sex toy shops, including brick and mortar shops where I advised customers on what types of toys they may like to purchase, as well as educating them on the toys and sexuality in general. For the past 5 years I have honestly reviewed over 1000 sex toy products, including creating a guide to body safe lubes (paraben and glycerin free), written articles on sex toy materials and some known toxins, sex toy safety, glass toys and their safety, Eco-friendly sex toys, sex toys for women, men and couples to share. I have an established sex toy review blog with over 5000 articles, reviews and sexual information posts, and have gained a reputation as a sex toy expert.

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6 years working in the sex toy industry 5 years reviewing sex toys and writing articles on sexuality BFA and a BA Numerous workshops on sexuality and sex toys in general.

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My main emphasis is writing sex educational review of sexuality products for the adult public via my blog and various other publications. I have also written articles and product descriptions for various sex toys shops including, TabuToys, Pink Cherry, Babeland, Good Vibes,, MyTickleSpot, as well as numerous specialty shops and manufacturers of quality sex toy products. Manufacturers include Lelo, We-Vibe, Cal Exotics, Pipedreams, Sportsheets, Ruby Glass, Happy Valley, Fun Factory, Vibratex, Liberator, Adam & Eve, Dr Laura Berman Intimate Basics, Big Teaze Toys, Tantus and more.

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