Expert: Anisa - 10/12/2009

Question
Hello, Nisa,

My 23 year old daughter lives at home, goes to college full time and works part-time.  She often spends the night at her boyfriend's home, about a mile away.  In the past, if it was late, he would come here and walk with her to his house.  

I woke up at 4 this morning as she was leaving.  I assumed he was outside waiting.  I got up to look out of the window, I saw her walking down the street alone.  When I asked her about it today. She told me he met her halfway, because he didn't want to walk all the way here to pick her up.  I suggested that to ensure her safety, he should come for her, and if he couldn't, she should stay home. I want her to know that this is disrespectful of him.

I am concerned for her safety walking through an unsafe neighborhood in the dark, but I'm trying not to be intrusive.  I'm also concerned that he is allowing her to put herself at risk.

Should I continue allowing her to do this, or stay out of it?


Answer
Hi Jacqueline,

I agree with you 100%, he is being very disrespectful and not very trustworthy. Although your daughter is 23, you have a duty as her mother to make sure she is always safe, no matter what age she is. Because your daughter lives at home, she is still under your rules, therefore, if you will not allow this behavior, she has no choice but to respect your wishes. Let her know you are putting a stop to this unsafe walking at 4 am.

Good luck.