AboutTricia Expertise I was a single parent to my child his entire life. I have experienced many ups and downs that comes everyday with being a single parent. I have learned a lot throughout these years about child support/courts, ways to cope with the
daily stress, day care issues, work, ADD, relationships, teenagers, when to compromise and when to not, money issues, discipline issues, etc. I have done an excellent job raising my son who is now on his own and functioning well. I am currently an Executive of my company without any type of degree. My perseverance and strength has gotten me this far in life and work. I learned to understand what I need to focus on in life and what I can`t waste time on, learning to compromise most situations.
Question QUESTION: I like to consider myself an openminded 27 year old, but this issue has been bothering me. My ex girlfriend and I have a seven year old daughter together. She spends about sixty percent of the time at her mothers and forty with me. This is my problem. Her mother is currently in a polyamorous relationship. She has had a boyfriend (who my daughter also calls daddy)for a number of years now and within the past year they have added another girl to their relationship. While I don't have anything against poly relationships per se, (actually if I could have two girlfriends I definitely would, what guy wouldn't?) I do have a problem with it when my daughter stays with her mother. She sees all three of them cuddling on the couch, holding hands in public etc....and all three of them share one bed and a bedroom, so as my daughter is getting to that age where she is starting to understand sex, she is going to be able to put two and two together and figure out her 'other daddy' is quite successful with the ladies, while her real father is not (i have occasional relationships, nothing long lasting) So part of me is afraid that as she develops her idea of masculinity in these crucial coming years, she will come to see her stepdad as more of a male than me, and she'll seek out partners like him when she starts dating. This really scares the **** out of me because I definitely don't want her to be in a poly relationship when she grows up. When I have asked her what she thinks of her mommy and daddy and their girlfriend, she says its really cool. Once she even told me that her boyfriend at school (she is in the second grade mind you) has another girlfriend. I asked her didn't she mind and she replied 'no we're both his girlfriends and she's my girlfriennd too'. I know its innocent enough since shes only seven, but still I don't think this bodes well for her adult romantic life.
I know part of me only takes issue with this because I'm a little bit jealous of her other father. He gets to have threesomes every night, and my own daughter calls him daddy. But part of me really feels that being exposed to this kind of relationship right now will warp her idea of more 'normal' relationships, which is what I want for her to have later on in life. I know I'm just being insecure, but is there any validity to my insecurities?
ANSWER: Hi Aaron!
I would think as your daughter grows up she will realize that this type of relationship is not normal. She is very young and feels it is cool now but I doubt when she grows up she will still.
Unsure why a grandmothers boyfriend would tell a child to call him daddy.....a bit odd I think.
If it bothers you that much perhaps talk to your daughter and tell her.
Good Luck!
Tricia
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QUESTION: I think you must have misunderstood. There were no grandparents mentioned in my original question. My daughter calls my ex girlfriennds boyfriend daddy. I don't know why she does, but yes it does bother me.
Am I right in feeling a little jealous of this arrangement?
Answer Sorry I did misunderstand........And yes you have the right to be bothered.......and I assume if you are in to this type of lifestyle then you could be jealous.
I think children should not call every man "daddy" since it cause them to be confused.
Perhaps talk to your ex and tell her that it bothers you.
