Single Parenting/relationship

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"i am just confused about should i give him space or should i try and talk to him or may be in some way i can make him understand that i love him and the whole police thing was to stop him ,from being abusive,or should i just walk off,and let him live his life.also i live abroad and have no family with me.He is my only support and the only person who i can turn to.its an awful feeling how he totally changed his attitude towards me. thanx for your reply

Answer
Hi, Mahi, that's better. My answers below.

"should i give him space or should i try and talk to him"
-------in general, I recommend talking. However, in affairs of the heart, it is all too often that speaking takes far precedence over listening. We want the other person to think the way we think, feel the way we feel, and act the way we want them to act. Isn't going to happen. The best plan is to listen; however, for the other person to speak freely, you have to communicate that you are willing to hear anything they have to say - no matter how painful for you. Very difficult, and sometimes impossible to accomplish.

"make him understand that i love him"
-------I don't doubt that he already understands that. I also think you misspeak, and that you are really saying that you want him to love you back. It may never happen; in fact, the more you want it, the more likely it is that you are pushing him away

"make him understand that ... the whole police thing was to stop him ,from being abusive"
----------- domestic violence abusers may never 'understand', unfortunately. The best thing would be for both of you to be in therapy, perhaps both jointly and individually

"should i just walk off,and let him live his life"
--------it sounds as though, from his perspective, that you don't have a choice. He says he doesnt love you? If so, you cannot make him. You can keep talking and listening, and you never know if things might change. It's up to him, though, the choices he might make

"i live abroad and have no family with me.He is my only support"
-------well, the financial aspects certainly complicate things, for sure. Based on what he is saying (that he doesn't love you), you had better hurry and make plans for supporting yourself, or you could find yourself on the street  

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

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Questions such as 'what are some options for dealing with this problem' are easiest to answer. It's difficult, if not impossible, to diagnose anyone over the internet.

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I'm a licensed psychologist, since 1994. I have raised several step-children.

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American Psychological Association Florida Psychological Association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

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www.bruceborkosky.blogger.com

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Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993

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