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Question
I just found out that my 16 year old son has a 2 year old son and he also just got a girl pregnant four months ago. I don't understand how that could have even happened. I try my best to make sure he stays safe. I have even given him condoms and I always tell him that he could talk to me about anything he needs to talk about. The most confusing part for me if that he says he's gay. Why would he have sex with girls if he's gay?
I had him when I was 16 as well. Is that why he is doing this?
This is all just really confusing for me.
What should I do?

Answer
Hi, Mandi, my answers below.....


I don't understand how that could have even happened.
-----ask your son to explain the birds and bees ;-)  Seriously, though, it happens. a lot.

I try my best to make sure he stays safe. I have even given him condoms
---- doesnt mean that he will use them, use them correctly, or that they will always work. 2% of married couples get pregnant using condoms, per year


and I always tell him that he could talk to me about anything he needs to talk about.
---- most teens dont talk with their parents about lots of things

The most confusing part for me if that he says he's gay. Why would he have sex with girls if he's gay?
---- most 16 year olds don't know what they "are". Even if they think they know, they dont know themselves, well, and many people change. Plus, some kids tell their parents the opposite of the truth, to avoid talking about 'real' things


I had him when I was 16 as well. Is that why he is doing this?
-----most people want to know 'why' people do things, but thats a long dark tunnel. Sometimes there is no 'why'. Sometimes there are hundreds of reasons 'why'. Truth is, most of us don't know why we do things until at least our 20's, and perhaps 30's for boys. Don't try to make it mean more than that.

Realize that all your parenting is now done. Everything you were ever going to teach him you already have done so. Just try to ride out the remaining years with the least problems possible. The biggest problem teens have is planning / thinking ahead for potential problems.  

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

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Questions such as 'what are some options for dealing with this problem' are easiest to answer. It's difficult, if not impossible, to diagnose anyone over the internet.

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I'm a licensed psychologist, since 1994. I have raised several step-children.

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American Psychological Association Florida Psychological Association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

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www.bruceborkosky.blogger.com

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Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993

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