Single Parenting/Step-son

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Question
Hi Mary,  my name is Anna and I have a problem that I'm not sure how to deal with and would appreciate your expertise!  I am 25 years old and I am a single parent of a 15 year old step-son named Brett.  I married his father Jeff 3 years ago and a year to the day later Jeff was killed in a traffic accident by a drunk driver.  Brett doeswn't have any relatives to assue custodianship so I assumed that role.  Everything has been fine until a couple weeks ago.  I went into his room one morning to wake him up for school and when I went in there he was masturbating himself and in the process of actually ejaculating!  I was embarrassed and so was he and I left his room without saying anything.  And we still haven't said anything about it because I know that boys do that but I sure didn't want to like SEE it!!  But Friday morning after he left for school I went into his room to clean it and change his sheets and when I was taking the pillowcases off his pilows out popped the dirty panties that I had put in the dirty-clothes hamper the night before along with the soiled sanitary napkin that I had put in the bathroom trashcan!  They were all balled up and stuck together and when I pulled them apart and opened them it was plain to see and SMELL that Brett had ejaculated all OVER them!!!  I am kinda creeped out and don't know how to proceed.  I've never had a child of my own before much less been the sole parent to a teenage boy with raging hormones!  I can partially understand him using my dirty panties because of the smell of my vaginal secretions but the fact that he also ejaculated on my bloody sanitary napking kinda makes my skin crawl if u know what I mean!  I haven't said anything to him yet because I don't know what to say or even if I should say anything at all.  But I would really apreciate any guidance you can give me!  Thank you for your time and for your expertise.  Bye for now, Anna

Answer
WOW Anna. This sounds like quite the problem.  Thanks for the email and the question.

My initial response it to deal with each issue separately.  Not accusatory but fact finding and understanding.  Despite the fact that you are creeped out.

Have you spoken to his teachers to see if he is acting out in any way at school?

It could be a host of issues here. Imagine how hard it must be for Brett who has lost his dad and has no one else to take care of him except his dad's wife.  Have you discussed these issues with him? The loss of his dad etc?

I have way more questions than answers so would like to suggest we communicate via email if you are comfortable with this, in order for us to open up a dialogue of sorts?

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your question but I didn't receive any notification that there was a question waiting for me - I have not checked here in a while due to some really irrelevant, nonsense questions over the past few weeks.

Let me know if you are comfortable with chatting over email? My email address is allexpertssa@gmail.com.

Hang in there ....  

Single Parenting

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Mary van Ede

Expertise

Anything related to single parenting - of boys and girls also from different fathers. The complications and challenges of dating as a single parent. The challenges of a half-sibling and single parenting.

Experience

I have two sons from one dad - they are now young adults. I dated a man and we had a child. We have since separated over 5 years ago. I have done a lot of reading and internet research on all the challenges related to single parenting and dating as a single parent.

Education/Credentials
Matric Business Administration.

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