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Single Parenting/is this best for my child?


Am I doing the right thing? As short as I can make it. Left my 5 year old daughters father a little over a year ago. In march 2012 he skipped state on probation and moved from Colorado to Arizona. He now has a warrant for his arrest. I have full custody. There is no parent time agreement in the divorce since he refuses to give me address I did notification to publish . I do not let him talk to my 5 year old because he is on the run , I used to let him talk to her and he would tell her he was going see her soon. Which of course won't happen till he serves about a year in jail which he is not willing to do. Am I doing right thing by keeping him out of her life?  He.was on probation for domestic violence against me . He also  when I allowed him to her has called my phone at midnight to talk to her . She is sleeping he is still infatuated with me .

Hi, brandi, thanks for your question. I would suggest that you start with separating the different issues:
--- your relationship with your ex
--- what you would say to police when they ask you about your actions
--- your child's relationship with her father

Once you think about these issues, independently of each other, that makes it easier to answer them for yourself

In terms of your child's relationship with her father, there is no one single answer that fits every situation. However, I always suggest that parents think about what the child will say to them after they are grown - in your case, in about 10-15 years. For example, if you deny her access to him forever, then it is quite possible that she will resent you for doing that. And, you know that, as children, we love our parents no matter if they are good or bad, doing right or breaking the law. In 15 years, if she has never had a relationship with her father, that will be a missing piece of her life that will never be filled. She, and you, will have to live with that for the rest of your lives. You may well end up regretting your actions and never being able to fix it.

Of course, it is hurtful for parents to say things like, "I'm coming to see you" and then never do it. And that IS something that can be harmful to a child. So, you will have to weigh things

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.


Questions such as 'what are some options for dealing with this problem' are easiest to answer. It's difficult, if not impossible, to diagnose anyone over the internet.


I'm a licensed psychologist, since 1994. I have raised several step-children.

American Psychological Association Florida Psychological Association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology


Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993

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