Single Parenting/whats best for my son
I got pregnant when I was 18 by my boyfriend, I am now 21, with an almost 2 year old son, his father has been in and out of his life, he's hurt me so many times physically and emotionally, he's in and out of jail, and currently has a warrant because the other day he was on house arrest and cut off his ankle moniter, he was staying with me at the time, he also married a girl last year whom he only knew for a month, he did it because she gave him money. He got his divorce papers the other day, and was in the process of getting them filed, but come to find out, he was talking to her behind my back saying he's not with me and not on house arrest....etc. I've realized this man will never change, and I want him to go away because he's destroyed me, and my son asks for him all the time. I need advice, how can I put my foot down? He also had some money that he got from school, and promised it to our son for his birthday and to pay our rent, but I guess now he's giving to the other girl who he has no kids with, it hurts because it feels like its stealing money from my baby. He's never paid child support, he's supposed to, he has left us with no money, and I don't know what to do.
Good afternoon Holly,
Question and please be honest with yourself, has he physically or emotionally hurt his son? And are you more concerned about him being a great father to his son or a better boyfriend to you?
Remember that we have the power to choose what we allow in our lives. You must remember your value/what you bring to the table (list them if necessary) and be strong and consistent. Everything begins in the mind. Control/Focus your thoughts on positive influences and receiving situations. Instead of fantasizing about how life could be with you all as a family. That may or may not be his desire at the time.
Donít say that you want him to go away but your actions contradict your words; because people believe our actions more than our words. So mean what you say and then stand firm. If you seriously want him to go away, then leave no way back. Donít waste time fighting the wrong battles. And be completely honest with yourself. The fact that your son asks about him all the time tells me that he must love his dad. But again, are you hurt because heís not a great father to his son or could be a better boyfriend? Answer these questions truthfully. Yes, you son should have a connection with his father but we/you cannot change your friend into the boyfriend that you want him to be. Until he realizes that a change needs to be made, it is what it is. Be honest with yourself so that you can be free.
In closing, you decide your tolerance level. The only things/people that come into our lives are what we allow. Give yourself permission to be happy and be open to finding someone who is able to treat you like the treasure/royal gem that you are! You have the power to make great decisions for you and for your son.
Be strong, make a decision, and stick to it!