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Single Parenting/what to do at Christmas time continued


QUESTION: I had emailed you last week asking your opinion about laving my son alone with his fathers family for their Xmas eve party so his father let me attend with our son which is good because his father and everyone was drinking. Our son received presents from his family and when it was time for me and our son to leave his father made our son leave his new presents there. I did not think this was right but I did not want to start anything with his family there and his girlfriend telling him what to do. How should I go about asking for one of the toys back without making his father mad? It was a tractor with animals that my son loved and cried about the whole way home. Also I do believe you were correct in saying his girlfriend wanted to "play mommy" as she was trying to tonight and kept upsetting our son when she did.

ANSWER: Hi Karyn....

It is a control issue by his father.... Not the right decision if you really care about your child.... Very mean of them to do this.... I think you should just drop it and not give them any more control of you or your child.... Hard to believe that your sons grandparents did not insist he take his presents home..... I am a grandmother of a18 month grandchild and would never do that to him....

Happy holidays!!!


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QUESTION: I let the toy situation go. His father was supposed to come up Saturday and he canceled and said he was sick for the 3rd time this month and that he has to move. Now he wants to have our son go to his place with him and his girlfriend while he's trying to move. I told him I didn't understand how he was fine on Thursday for Xmas but terribly sick on Saturday and fine again on Sunday. I'm thinking about calling my lawyer to start a custody agreement because he keeps turning everything around on me not letting him see our son when he's the one who cancels most of the time. What is your opinion on this?

ANSWER: If you do seek an attorney it only gets messier and his father will probably get worse.

I think I would keep a journal of the days he misses each month with his excuse just in case it comes back one day.  Courts like proof that a father is a lousy father.........

I think his father only wants to see his son when it is convenient for him.....a lot of men do this not caring how they hurt their child. It is a shame they don't realize that a child is a person who has feelings.   

I would not stress out about his visitation misses just log them down in a journal then use that time to have fun with your son. You have to learn not to play his game......the things he does he wants "control" so don't give it to him........

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QUESTION: I do not want to go to court but his father keeps making things impossible by changing times and dates to where if I don't go have papers drawn up saying when he's supposed to have our son he keeps saying I'm keeping our son from him. I have a detailed calendar of every day he has been to see our son or when he was supposed to see him and if he canceled and the excuse he gave. I don't stress when he misses visits just when he asks me if his girlfriend and him can take our son places. I feel it should be father and son time not with the girlfriend going also. Considering at the Xmas parry his father paid little attention to our son and more to his girlfriend and got extremely upset when our son got a little food on his shirt sleeve.

That's a personal decision you must make whether to go to court or not.  I spent many hours in court when my son was young and his father did have specific visitation schedule but he rarely adhered to it.  The only good thing about court was that they monitored the child support payments and made the father pay on a regular basis.  

I do agree that visitation should be with father and perhaps his family not girlfriends but courts would never put this as a stipulation so it is what it is.  I dealt with the same issues with my son's father bringing girlfriend or his friends to visitation days.  By the time my son was 12 he did not want to spend any more time with his father and has rarely seen him since then and my son is now 35 with his own child that his father has never met.  So being a lousy dad will come back and bite them as their child gets older and they can make their own choices. My son realizes that his father was not a good dad and feels he can bring nothing to the table for him so he prefers not to see him even though he lives about 10 miles away.  His father is the loser now since his first grandchild is not in his life.  

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I was a single parent to my child his entire life. I have experienced many ups and downs that comes everyday with being a single parent. I have learned a lot throughout these years about child support/courts, ways to cope with the daily stress, day care issues, work, ADD, relationships, teenagers, when to compromise and when to not, money issues, discipline issues, etc. I have done an excellent job raising my son who is now on his own and functioning well. I am currently an Executive of my company without any type of degree. My perseverance and strength has gotten me this far in life and work. I learned to understand what I need to focus on in life and what I can`t waste time on, learning to compromise most situations.

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