You are here:

Single Parenting/what to do at Christmas time

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: I'm a mother to a 2 year old little boy. His father has been inconsistent with visiting our son since he was born. His family has a Christmas party in Xmas eve every year and he originally invited both my son and myself to it since myson does not know who any of his fathers family is including hia father so it would make our son more comfortable if I was there. He then said his new Gf refuses to attend if I am there and now wants to take our son alone. Our son barely knows him and when he does see our son he is constantly on his phone ignoring our son. Do I stick to the original plan and both of us go? Do I not go at all? Or do I let my son go alone and possibly have to go pick him up since he will be upset that he is around people who are strangers to him. I have never kept any of them from him I have offered and they never give me an answer about seeing him and his father cancels more them he sees our son. What should I do?

ANSWER: Hi Karyn!

I think his father is trying more to make his girlfriend comfortable than his own child.  Your son is still very young and his concerns should be addressed more than an adult being uncomfortable around the mother of his child.

You need to base your decision on what is best for your son, not for you or his father or his family.  Don't put your son through unneeded stress for them..........

I would tell them that your son is not comfortable around his family and due to being so young he needs you there and if that is not ok you and your son will not be attending.

I can't believe his father and his family are so insensitive to a young child's need, very selfish of them.  Besides that who would be watching your son while everyone is "partying"....I know I would not send my son alone unless there was someone taking full responsibility and that your son was comfortable with.

Always make decisions based on what is best for your son and your decisions will always be the right ones.

Good Luck!
Tricia

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello Tricia
Thank you for the answer it gave me some courage to tell him that the holidays need to be done in the best interest of our son. So now he is complaining that our son will never be comfortable with him since he doesn't have alone time. Am I wrong for thinking that our son needs to gradually become used to his family instead of being dropped off with no one he knows around? It has been almost 2 month since he saw our son last and even longer since his family has asked to see our son. I don't want him to sayi am keeping our son from him because im not I just want them to realize even though he is only 2 he has feelings that need to be recognized too. Am I going about this all wrong?

Answer
I think what he says is true but "alone time" is not a party with his family who your son does not know.  Your son would probably be uncomfortable not knowing anyone.

Having you go to the party to would be his compromise if he really wants his son to attend.  I would insist that you are doing what is best for a 2 year old son and if his father is really concerned also he would understand that it is either both of you or none of you.

I think you are not wrong and I would not let him make you second guess your decision.  If he really wanted to spend time with your son he would have been seeing him the last two years to have already create a bond.  Bonds take a lot of time and energy which he does not seem to want to do so it is really his fault that he does not have a bond with your son.  

Single Parenting

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Tricia

Expertise

I was a single parent to my child his entire life. I have experienced many ups and downs that comes everyday with being a single parent. I have learned a lot throughout these years about child support/courts, ways to cope with the daily stress, day care issues, work, ADD, relationships, teenagers, when to compromise and when to not, money issues, discipline issues, etc. I have done an excellent job raising my son who is now on his own and functioning well. I am currently an Executive of my company without any type of degree. My perseverance and strength has gotten me this far in life and work. I learned to understand what I need to focus on in life and what I can`t waste time on, learning to compromise most situations.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.