About Faythe Expertise I can answer all kinds of questions regarding single parenting from the child's perspective.
Experience My mom has been a single parent for a good part of her life and is about to be again. Through this time, I have taken on a lot of the responsibility to raise my siblings. In a sense, I also know what it is like to be a single parent. Of course, I had a lot more help with my mom there. I do know what it is like for children to have a single parent. A lot of times, parent's don't know or understand what kinds of emotions children go through during the divorce and moments afterward.
Question I am a father of three (14 yr son, 10 yr daughter and my most recent is 2 yrs old – son). After being single for three years, I got involved with someone that I met on Match.com, which happens to be my youngest son’s mother. The relationship was a nightmare because she ended up being something other than what she portrayed to be online. However, the only thing that came out of it was my 2 yr son. But his mother and I separated when he was 6 months old.
I am now enduring a financial hardship because of my outrageous child support payment to her, which went into effect last week. Prior to that I was making cash deposits into her checking account, and as an extension to that I would help furnish him with things such as clothing and more; and at the same time I was able to provide for my other two; but now I am totally withdrawn because my relationship with my 2 year son will be effected; I won’t be able to see him every other week like before, because I now have to see about another job. I was only bringing home about $380 a week; and now I will have to pay $400 a month for my youngest; as for my other two…well my 14 yr son lives with my, and my daughter lives with her mom – we recently arranged like that because she was having a hard time disciplining on a regular basis.
I am so hurt by this all; my ex is a really mean person – manipulative, controlling and was always deceitful. Anyway, I was present in court with an attorney, but it seemed a waste of time – she sort of had her hands ties because the DA spoke in my ex’s defense; and the reason for the court was to see a Master child-support judge, but instead we got involved with a DA. In fact, my income was not entered into the system then; she basically asked what I was willing to pay – but was did not except my figure; so my ex said she wanted $100 a week – we concluded with that.
It’s sad because she has always acknowledged me as a good father, always providing to his best. Now I can’t see my son any longer because I have to move on in order to provide for my other two, as well as maintain myself. I have some of his cloths still with me, and I plan to mail them to her with a brief letter expressing the fact that I cannot see him every other weekend – because I have to move on.
Please help – any advice. I really love him; and I still want to be able to provide for him outside of a child support payment, but I can’t do that any longer.
Answer Mariano,
I can understand how difficult this situation is for you. I am sorry to hear how things have turned out. The only thing I can really suggest at the moment is to call your attorney once more and explain the current situation.
You may wish to try to speak to your son's mother about the child support payments. If there was a way for her to track what exactly the child's needs are and how she spends the money you give her, it may actually lower the cost of the child support you pay to her. I am not in any way suggesting that you stiff your son money. By all means, give him what he needs, but since she (the woman from Match.com) has had a history of deceit, she may be using that money for other things (things that are not your son's needs).
I know that with 2 children, (in IL) a father is required to pay a minimum of 28% of his income to the mother. You are currently pay roughly 26% for the one child alone. This, to me, sounds a little excessive.
I am not familiar with your state's laws, so I encourage you to contact an attorney or simply come to a compromise with your son's mother. It is in everyone's best interest that you not take a second job if it can be avoided. All of your children will end up suffering by not being able to see you, and you will suffer in that all the free time you have will probably be spent sleeping since you will have little time for that with a second job.
I wish you the best of luck, Mariano. Please let me know if you need anything else.
