Expert: Tricia - 2/10/2004

Question
Hi, I will get to the point quickly.  I hope.
I have been divorced for eight years.  My ex see's our child on a regular basis.  She is eight and in the second grade.  My ex has a wife that is 20.  My ex and his wife go to the school almost everyday to see our daughter.  Our daughter is failing with "flying colors" second grade and now has to repeate it.  I have seen her grades plumit since those two started showing up at school.  They are both very controlling and verbaly abusive to me and to our daughter.  I am concened about this.  Along with our daughter calling his wife mommy.  I really am tired of their petty jabs they throw at me everyweek.  I know I have to just let them go and move on but it really is getting to me.  I just really do not know what to do.  If you have any advice to give me I would be greatful.  Thanks.


Answer
Hi Deanna.........

It is obvious to me that your daughter is having problems with the visits each day.......

I would suggest to sit your daughter down and have a frank conversation with her to see what she feels the problems are......then if she says it is all these issues as you have stated above, I would try to talk to your ex about her issues........try to stick to what your daughter feels is a problem and hope he will want to help your daughter do better in school.

If he is not responsive, then I would not worry about him but take your daughter for counseling to help her.......she may be confused and needs to refocus on herself.........

You can not make others do things that are right for your child not even the father, so spend your energy on the things you can control like counseling for your daughter...also spend quality time with her and help her through this time.........allow her to vent to you and let her know you are always there for her no matter what...try to keep her self esteem high...when a child fails a grade they can feel bad......

Good Luck!
Tricia