Question I am 30 yrs. old and a single mom of a 6 yr old girl. I have been divorced for about 4 years. I live in St. Louis and my ex lives about 7 hours away in Iowa. I have full legal and physical custody of our daughter. We are good friends still and have a really good relationship. We talk on the phone several times a week, I include him in my daughter's life (as much as possible) and he is very good about paying child support (even pays extra). I believe that we need to get along dispite our differences for our daughter. If arguing solved anything...we'd still be married, right? He is an over-the -road truck driver and isn't home often (one reason we got divorced). My problem is...he doesn't have much interest in seeing our daughter. he doesn't have a set visitation with her, because of his job, the distance and her being in school. He would probably never ask to see her if his parents, his girlfriend and I didn't push so hard for him to visit with her. I am usually the one to say."Samantha is on spring break on this date, would you like her to come to your house for the week?" I believe that my daughter needs to spend time with her dad and his family, I am a single mom and sometimes I just need the time (as selfish as it sounds). I am a single mom, working full-time and am also in college...I need a little time to myself once every 6 months! His parents often want to see her, when my ex doesn't...so I let her go to Iowa to visit with them. I have gone out of my way to provide half the transportaion to Iowa...we meet half-way (even though he is supposed to provide ALL the cost and driving). I have NEVER stopped him/his family from seeing our daughter...in fact I have encouraged it relentlessly! My problem is that it is supposed to be father-daughter visitation....not grandparent visitation! Do I stop pushing and make him actually tell me he WANTS to see his daughter? My daughter begs and screams and cries because she doesn't want to go (he rarely calls to talk to HER...only ME). So I am sure she feels like he is a stranger (he was never around when we were married either, due to military and truck driving jobs). I am tired of ASKING him if he WANTS to talk to his daughter, tired of ASKING him to visit with her. He is a grown man and I can't understand why he wouldn't WANT to see her and spend time with her (he always has some excuse... his job, etc.). I don't want my daughter to never see her dad...but I don't want to have to keep up their relationship either (it is hard enough with all I have on MY plate). I feel guilty if I don't encourage him to visit with her (because she isn't spending time with her dad). But I feel resentful if I DO encourage him. Any ideas on this????
Answer Not really sure what the question is here? You have to allow him to visit the daughter. Only with his parental rights cancelled by the courts, this is the only way to stop his seeing his daughter. As far as you encouraging him to see his daughter, I think this is a question that lies within yourself. You need to work on what is best for you, and then your daughter. Work on the best measures for yourself, and this will give you direction on how to deal with others. If it fits for you to apply pressure on him to be the father, then take this direction only if this benefits and helps you. If this in any way hurts your strength and growth, then do not go down this path.
