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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Self-Improvement/Self-Help > Social Etiquette and Good Manners > Obituary Question
Expert: Amanda Gamble - 10/20/2009
Question
Dear Amanda,
My father in law passed away a few weeks ago and my sister in law and I were both very hurt when the obituary was printed in the newspaper with no mention of us. The obituary was written by my mother in law and my husband's sister, who happens to be single. My sister in law and I are both second wives to the boys in the family and we have been very close to my father in law and the family. We were both at his bedside when he died.
When my husband asked his sister why the obituary left out the wives, she told him that we are not family and that is the traditional way to write and obituary. Is this true? Now I am very curious to know what the "traditional" way of writing an obituary is.
Thanks for your help in clearing this up. I'm not finding much searching the web for this information.
Answer
Dear Tara,
You most certainly are family. You were the daughters in law of the man who died. It
counts as does your grief and frustration over the situation.
Traditional obituaries did leave out the names of the spouses,but in the past 20-30
years it has become more common to put the name of the spouse in parentheses after the
name of the decedent's child/ren. The survivors are listed in this manner: John (Lisa) Smith of Westerville,Katie (Derron) Thomas of Mecca,and Jason (Jane) Smith of Dayton,Ohio.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
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