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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Self-Improvement/Self-Help > Social Etiquette and Good Manners > Teapot gift
Expert: Jay Remer - 10/23/2009
Question
QUESTION: Jay, since you were so wonderful with my question about friends inviting me out for a 40th birthday and I had to pay, I have another question for you if you don't mind.
I had an acquaintance who lived down the street from me. I didn't know her that well, but her son and my son would play at school with each other. One day I was outside, and she invited me and my two sons in. She served me some Irish tea, and I commented on what a beautiful green teapot she had. (Green is my favorite color). She then told me that I could have it since they were moving to Ireland.
They moved, and I never saw her before they left. She sent me an e-mail on Facebook after they were in Ireland and asked me for my address so her mother could drop off the teapot. I thanked her graciously and gave her my address, and I told her that I could always go over and pick it up too.
I never did get over to her mom's house so nothing ever happened. A few weeks went by and I saw her mother at my son's school. (She just lives a few blocks from me). I told her that her daughter had given me a teapot and that I could come over and pick it up anytime. She said she remembered and had no problem dropping it off at my house so she asked me for my address. (I hope that wasn't rude that I mentioned the teapot to her).
Well, she dropped it off today when I wasn't home, but it's the wrong teapot. Should I just let it go?? I know beggars can't be choosy, and I don't want to seem ungrateful. Plus, I want to thank her daughter via Facebook's e-mail (I don't have her real home address), but I'm not sure if I should say it's the wrong teapot.
What is the proper thing to do? I have no problem keeping this one. It's black and not the green one that she offered, but I just don't know how to handle thanking her for the "wrong" teapot.
Thank you Jay for any advice you might have!! I so appreciate your time!
ANSWER: Dear Cyndi,
Thanks for asking another great question. This is kind of humorous really. By all means, phone the mother and explain the situation. Simply let her know that you admired the teapot because it was your favorite color. Offer to return the black and white one for the exchange at a convenient time and thank her for her trouble. Treat it as an innocent mistake. It was not rude of you to mention the teapot, but for heaven's sake, get the right one, as your friend had intended. I hope this helps. This is a bit awkward, but honesty is always the best policy. Frankly if your friend ever found out you'd gotten the wrong one, it would make you look kind of stupid. Good luck. Jay
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you so much Jay. However, I don't have the mother's phone number and she's unlisted. I hate to go knocking on her door. Plus, I am a little scared of dogs, and they have a dog. I don't really know her either. Should I e-mail the daughter in Ireland or is that not the right thing to do? This is my last question. Thank you so much for your time again!
Answer
Dear Cyndi,
You are not asking too many questions. That is what I do - answer questions, so feel free. Yes, email the daughter. This is not a big deal, simply a misunderstanding of small proportions. I get the dog thing, too. No worries. I hope this helps. Jay
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