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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Self-Improvement/Self-Help > Social Etiquette and Good Manners > Christmas Card/Recent Death
Expert: Amanda Gamble - 11/2/2009
Question
In January of this year a good friend from high school passed away unexpectadly. We lived in different states but stayed in touch for 29 years via class reunions, cards and letters. We religously sent Christmas cards every year. Three years ago my friend and her teenage daughter travelled to attend my wedding. I do not know what to do about sending a Christmas card this year. I did not know her husband very well and haven't seen him since a few years after highschool. My last communication with him was the Sympathy CArd. Is it weird to send him a Christmas card? In the past the cards were addressed to my friend AND her husband and family; other than seeing their pictures and hearing about them in my friend's letters I do not know them very well. What would be the appropriate thing to write to them when they are facing their first Christmas without her? I would also like to write a card to her sister. Thank you for your advice. (I hope that my email address will not show on your website as my name will give me away!!)
Answer
Dear Suzanne,
Please do send the cards. It will most certainly be a difficult time for the whole family,
but it would be worse to have no one acknowledge that fact. Send a simple card,not one of the
funny cartoon Christmas cards. (In the future you may send any card you care to,just tread
lightly this first Christmas.) Write a line or two and say whatever it is that is on your
mind. Even if it is just that you are thinking about them (and her). Share a nice memory if
you have one involving the holiday. 'I will never forget Jane's delight in making gingerbread
cookies with the children.' People tend to avoid talking about the deceased fearing that it
will only make the survivors more sad. As the person who is gone is constantly on the mind of the
remaining family members,it is a relief to have the person remembered(and spoken of) by others.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
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