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About Cynthia Lett
Expertise
Proper manners with friends,family,colleagues,neighbors and everyone else you know.
Experience
I have been an etiquette expert teaching and consulting on the subject worldwide since 1983. I started and run the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals and am considered a leader in the field. I edited "Etiquette for Dummies" and have recently written "Lett's Talk - Everyday Etiquette Dilemmas and What to Do about Them".
I taught the Business Protocol class to Master's level students at the George Washington University, Washington, DC.
Chief of Protocol for MCI Telecommunications.
Organizations
International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals, ASTD, PCMA, National Speakers Association
Publications
I have been quoted over 700 times in the past 5 years worldwide. Publications include Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Washington Times, NY Times, Washington Business Journal, USA Today, Associated Press, London Times, Newsweek Japan edition, Newsweek US edition and many many more.
Education/Credentials
I am a Certified Etiquette Professional (CEP) and Certified Protocol Professional (CPP) earned by examination through ISPEP.
I have a Master's degree in hospitality law and undergrad degrees in Restaurant & Hotel Management and Public Relations/Interpersonal Communications from Purdue University.
Awards and Honors
Who's Who Worldwide,Who's Who of American Women, Distinguished Darden Professor (Purdue University).
Past/Present Clients
World Bank, United Nations,US Dept. of State, US. Dept. of the Army, Pentagon, Barclays Global Investors,Accenture,AT&T,Bank of America,American Association of Clinical Pharmacies,Ritz Carlton Hotels, Hilton Hotels, Marriott Hotels,Starwood Hotels,and many more.
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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Self-Improvement/Self-Help > Social Etiquette and Good Manners > Dinner Invites
Expert: Cynthia Lett - 11/8/2009
Question
My husband and I have noticed that we always do the inviting, including friends and family. We buy all the food. But we never get invited to any ones else house. Or out to eat. What are we doing wrong or how long do we finally say enough is enough and stop inviting. We truely are very nice people and would give our shirt to anyone who needed it.
Answer
Dear Ann:
First of all, you are not doing anything wrong - you are just more savvy than your friends. Many people know how to accept invitations but don't know how to plan to invite people to their houses. I have been in your place several times in my life and I found that inviting friends to bring something to share when they came to our house (repeated several times) gave them confidence to be the hosts at their house. Many people also don't keep house well enough to have guests. They could be embarrassed about where they live and don't feel it is good enough for guests. They may be right but drop hints anyway. I have said, "You all have probably had enough of our house. How about showing us the things you love to cook (or do or something like that).We could make it a fun evening and do a special dish together. Would you like to try it at your house?" I admit that it would be presumptuous to offer this solution to a friend but it is ok for close family. I have relatives that have told me that they could never match my hostessing skills and would rather not be embarrassed. In response I have offered to joint host something with them at their house, bringing some things that would be fun for all. When I offered to teach, not judge, the response has been positive and we all have had a good time.
Also keep in mind that many people don't feel they can afford to pay for others' food and entertainment. If I think that may be the case, I suggest we all go to a free or really cheap concert at a local neighborhood venue and then out for pizza. That keeps your friends and family close but doesn't but the burden of expensive entertaining on the table as an option.
I am sure you will think of a few ideas on your own that may work. Don't stop offering - just change what you offer.
Thanks for your question.
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