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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Self-Improvement/Self-Help > Social Etiquette and Good Manners > Thanksgiving invites
Expert: Amanda Gamble - 11/8/2009
Question
My brother was recently married and now his wife's family is a part of ours. For Thanksgiving I invited my brother, his wife, her brother and her mother to join our thanksgiving festivities. She now tells me that she is trying to get her dad to come to the party also. I like both her mother and father, but not together. They are divorced and obviously do not like each other. In fact, during the preparations for the wedding (ie engagement parties, and rehearsal dinner) they made everyone around them uncomfortable. I even had guests during the wedding ask me what was up with the two of them. Anyways, her father lives across the state so I was hoping he wouldn't even be an issue. I want everyone at my Thanksgiving party to have a good time and to not be put in an awkward situation. My question is can I ask her not to invite him, and if so how do I do that gently? If it is inappropriate to ask her not to invite him then how can I diffuse the situation with grace when they start to fight?
Answer
Dear Rachel,
Your new sister-in-law should not have simply invited someone else to your Thanksgiving dinner.
It is your home,you are the hostess and it was very presumptuous of her. What's done is done,so
you must now speak to your brother. Not to your s-in-l as this is obviously a highly charged
emotional situation for her.
With your brother,say that you are glad that he and X are going to be with you on Thanksgiving.
Then let him know that you are concerned about his in-laws fighting and ruining everyone's day and
that you are counting on him to stay on top of the situation. If things get tense,he needs to
change the subject or find an excuse to take one of them out of the room for a little while. Tell
him that you love him but you have enough to worry about as the hostess so the job of managing
his in-laws must fall to him.
If you must,stop their bickering by gently (but firmly) reminding them that this is not
the appropriate time or place to air old grievances. Again,this is your home and you get to
put your foot down if unacceptable behavior is being displayed.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
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