AboutAmanda Gamble Expertise I will answer any etiquette question you`d care to ask!
I will be happy to give friendly non-judgmental advice on any situation.
If your question is rude,incoherent or demands I confirm your "victim" story,
I reserve the right to refuse to answer. Life is too short.
Certain cultures and customs are not part of my personal
experience,but I will research to get the needed answer.
Time specific questions may or may not get answered by your deadline.
Experience I have been writing a daily etiquette advice column for 8 years.
I have taught as well as given lectures on the subject.
Question An old friend of mine is getting married. We have barely kept in touch over the years, and I would not have expected to be invited to her wedding. However, she contacted me earlier this year to "save the date" and requested my address. As the date approached I heard nothing, and didn't know if I should contact her or figure that I was no longer invited ... but today I received an invitation - two and a half weeks before the wedding, and two days before the "reply by" date. The postmark had yesterday's date, so I know that it was not delayed by the mail.
While it shouldn't surprise me to be on her B-list, I can't help but be offended that it is so painfully obvious - the fact that she just dropped it in the mail this week makes it seem as though I was at the very bottom of her list.
Should I go? Or is this reason enough to consider myself free of the obligation? I know that the day is not about me, but when I got married I did not have a B-list, and I think it is in very bad taste. I drew up my guest list first and chose the venue to accommodate it, not the other way around.
Answer Dear Cara,
You seem awfully quick to assign yourself the rejected loser role
on this one. Are you sure that the blame doesn't rest on the bride
or whomever was helping her with her guest list?
Isn't it more likely that she got busy with the six dozen details
of her wedding and missed or overlooked getting out some of the
invitations? Things like that do happen.
You know this woman,was she the type to have a "B List" when you
were close? If she was the kind of person who would use other guests'
regrets as a springboard for inviting back up seat fillers,why WERE
you friends?
I say give her the benefit of the doubt. You don't have to of course,
but there probably IS a more mundane reason for the invitation being
so late. A reason that has nothing to do with the value she places on
you and your friendship.
