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Social Etiquette and Good Manners/Gifted Twice
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Question
My brother graduated from high school this year, and he recently had a party. A relative gave my brother a card and some money, and also gave the same to me. He said he realized he didn't come to mine, which was four years ago, and thought it was better late than never. However, while he didn't come to my party, I checked my records, and he did send me a card with the same amount of money four years ago. Should I send the money back to him with a note of explanation as he already gave me a gift four years ago? Or would it be better to send him a thank you note and let it lie as a friendly gesture? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I want to be honest at the same time. I would greatly appreciate your input! Thanks!
Dear Meredith:
The best thing to do is to call the relative who gifted twice and thank him for the generous gift and remind him that you appreciated that he gave you a graduation gift when you graduated. Tell him that you are sure that he forgot and that you intend to return the check to him. At this point, it is up to the giver to direct what you do - he may say keep it or he may say thank you for letting him know and that he appreciates your honesty. If he doesn't specifically say to keep it, then return the check with a handwritten thank you for thinking of you again and for the good wishes.
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Answers by Expert:
Cynthia W. Lett
Expertise
Proper manners with friends,family,colleagues,neighbors and everyone else you know.
Experience
I have been an etiquette expert teaching and consulting on the subject worldwide since 1983. I started and serve as the Executive Director of the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals and am considered a leader in the field of etiquette and protocol training and execution. I edited "Etiquette for Dummies" and have recently written "Lett's Talk - Everyday Etiquette Dilemmas and What to Do about Them". My book, "That's So Annoying:An Etiquette Expert on the World's Most Irritating Habits And What To Do About Them" was published in 2009 and is available wherever books are sold.
I taught the Business Protocol class to Master's level students at the George Washington University, Washington, DC for seven years
I served as Chief of Protocol for MCI Telecommunications for three years.
Organizations
International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals, ASTD, PCMA, National Speakers Association
Publications
I have been quoted over 700 times in the past 5 years worldwide. Publications include Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Washington Times, NY Times, Washington Business Journal, USA Today, Associated Press, London Times, Newsweek Japan edition, Newsweek US edition and many many more.
Education/Credentials
I am a Certified Etiquette Professional (CEP) and Certified Protocol Professional (CPP) earned by examination through ISPEP.
I have a Master's degree in hospitality law and undergrad degrees in Restaurant & Hotel Management and Public Relations/Interpersonal Communications from Purdue University.
Awards and Honors
Who's Who Worldwide,Who's Who of American Women, Distinguished Darden Professor (Purdue University).
Past/Present Clients
World Bank, United Nations,US Dept. of State, US. Dept. of the Army, Pentagon, Barclays Global Investors,Accenture,Fox News, MSNBC, CNN, The White House, Dept. of State, AT&T,Bank of America,American Association of Clinical Pharmacies,Ritz Carlton Hotels, Hilton Hotels, Marriott Hotels,Starwood Hotels,and many more.
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