Social Etiquette and Good Manners/wedding party


I am the mother of the groom and I would like to have my niece in the wedding party as a flower girl.  she said no because she is having the ring bear which is my nephew from my husbands side and she is have her cousins baby 1-1/2 year old as the flower girl.  she said that is fair.  1 from her side and 1 from our side.  The thing is my niece and sister is all I have on my side and it means a lot to me to have my 3-1/2 year old in the wedding too.  I am helping to pay for many of the expenses of the wedding and she will not budge on my 2 requests.  1 the flower girl, 2nd is I want my nephews at the wedding.  I could comprise but she won't.  What do you suggest I do?

Dear Marcia,

Thank you for your question.  I am sorry that the process of planning your son's wedding is difficult.  However, even if you are paying the entire amount for the event, the bride's wishes trump all others'.  She has the final say according to etiquette standards for the arrangements of the day.
I suggest that you find other ways for the children to be involved than the ones you wish for now.  

I also suggest that you find a way to get along with your son's bride- to -be because someday there may be grandchildren and you will want to be able to see them.  

Social Etiquette and Good Manners

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Cynthia W. Lett


Proper manners with friends,family,colleagues,neighbors and everyone else you know.


I have been an etiquette expert teaching and consulting on the subject worldwide since 1983. I started and serve as the Executive Director of the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals and am considered a leader in the field of etiquette and protocol training and execution. I edited "Etiquette for Dummies" and have recently written "Lett's Talk - Everyday Etiquette Dilemmas and What to Do about Them". My book, "That's So Annoying:An Etiquette Expert on the World's Most Irritating Habits And What To Do About Them" was published in 2009 and is available wherever books are sold. I taught the Business Protocol class to Master's level students at the George Washington University, Washington, DC for seven years I served as Chief of Protocol for MCI Telecommunications for three years.

International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals, ASTD, PCMA, National Speakers Association

I have been quoted over 700 times in the past 5 years worldwide. Publications include Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Washington Times, NY Times, Washington Business Journal, USA Today, Associated Press, London Times, Newsweek Japan edition, Newsweek US edition and many many more.

I am a Certified Etiquette Professional (CEP) and Certified Protocol Professional (CPP) earned by examination through ISPEP. I have a Master's degree in hospitality law and undergrad degrees in Restaurant & Hotel Management and Public Relations/Interpersonal Communications from Purdue University.

Awards and Honors
Who's Who Worldwide,Who's Who of American Women, Distinguished Darden Professor (Purdue University).

Past/Present Clients
World Bank, United Nations,US Dept. of State, US. Dept. of the Army, Pentagon, Barclays Global Investors,Accenture,Fox News, MSNBC, CNN, The White House, Dept. of State, AT&T,Bank of America,American Association of Clinical Pharmacies,Ritz Carlton Hotels, Hilton Hotels, Marriott Hotels,Starwood Hotels,and many more.

©2017 All rights reserved.