Social Etiquette and Good Manners/Grave Monument Name


I had a brother is that died at 14 y/o, and we were raised by our mother and step father. When my brother passed, my step father had his name listed for my brothers last name even though it was never legally changed. It has been 44 years since that happened and myself, another brother and our step father are still living and my brother and I want to replace the monument on our brothers grave. We both want to have his legal name on the stone this time but also don't want to hurt our step fathers feelings over not putting his surname on it. We don't have a problem with adding his name but aren't sure of the proper way to list it on the stone. Any help would be appreciated and thank you.

If your stepfather doesn't visit the grave (and it's highly unlikely that he does after 44 years) then there's no need to say anything to him.  Just have the monument changed and let it go at that, and if you want, you can add the words "Beloved Stepson of Joe Cool" and that would be a lovely tribute to your stepfather--albeit one he may never see. If it were me, this is what I would do if I didn't want to wait until my stepfather passed to change the monument.

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Teri Davis Newman


I can answer virtually any question pertaining to manners and etiquette. I am a wedding and party planner in St. Louis, Missouri and I do weddings and parties all over the country! My brides are my number one priority as I understand how important their wedding day is to them! Any questions about catering and cooking for large groups. This would include recipes, cooking techniques, what to serve, how to prevent food poisoning, food storage and food integrity. I have thousands of recipes that are scaled for large groups and gatherings and will be happy to share them! If you are in need of professional assistance for helping you to plan your wedding, party or corporate event, please feel free to contact me! I do a limited amount of weddings and parties every year in order to make sure that I have the best service for my clientele. Feel free to visit my business website at this address: WWW.EXQUISITEEVENTSUSA.COM for detailed information on what services I offer. I have price point weddings for every budget--no matter what size and I am very specific about what you get for your hard-earned money.


I teach etiquette classes for children and adults in the St Louis area. Classes include Table Manners, Table Settings, Invitations, Thank you notes, Condolence Notes and Wedding etiquette for brides and guests.

I attended Charm School as a child in Palm Beach and am currently a corporate etiquette consultant for correct manners in the USA and Japan. I studied Japanese etiquette while living in Tokyo.

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