AboutAmanda Gamble Expertise I will answer any etiquette question you`d care to ask!
I will be happy to give friendly non-judgmental advice on any situation.
If your question is rude,incoherent or demands I confirm your "victim" story,
I reserve the right to refuse to answer. Life is too short.
Certain cultures and customs are not part of my personal
experience,but I will research to get the needed answer.
Time specific questions may or may not get answered by your deadline.
Experience I have been writing a daily etiquette advice column for 8 years.
I have taught as well as given lectures on the subject.
Question My grandaughter called to ask if she was invited to our Christmas Eve party. I told her sure and that we would be eating at 6:00PM. She volunteered to bring a Ham and a greenbean casserole after asking if I was serving Turkey and dressing. I accepted her offer of ham and changed the menue to comply with her entree. She called 6:10PM and said they were going to leave and would be arriving in about an hour. When she arrived, she didn't mention the ham or the casserole. When I asked her about it, she just said she forgot. Should I have been angry with her for her inconsideration of myself and our 14 other guest or should I just welcomed her and let the family eat what else was served. She seemed to think she did nothing wrong. Am I just a grouchy old grandmaw or is this a total neglect of anyone's feeling and a lack of respect for anyone here?
Answer Dear June,
No,you are not just a 'grouchy old grandmaw'. If this had
been some other inconsiderate guest,then you would have no
choice but to graciously accept their 'explanation' and go
on as if nothing were amiss. However,this is your own dear
grandchild whom you love and wish to see succeed in this
world. It is time for a talk. A few weeks have passed,so
you may safely bring it up. (I'm a firm believer in letting
a situation cool off first.)
You should say something along these lines: "Debbie,you
have always been very important to me and you know I love
you very much. I was hurt that you didn't think enough of
me or the rest of the family to show up on time and with
the items that you promised. I told you that we were going
to eat at 6:00 PM. You agreed to that time as well as
offering to bring a ham and a casserole. I changed the
menu based on this offer. Darling,I am not trying to hurt
you,but you are an adult now and you must understand how
important it is to keep your word. Often times our word
is all that we have to go on. You are always welcome in
my home,ham or no ham,and I hope that you know that."
You speak about how it made you feel for her to show
up late using "I" language. Start with a positive and end
with one as well. This should make her aware of her
behavior without making her feel as if she has to be on
the defensive. Hopefully. Sometimes with young adults it's
hard to know how they will behave,but I can promise you she
will think about what you have said and be more considerate
in the future.
With everyone else, we have a duty to keep our mouths
shut and soldier on as best we can. With family members,
we have the duty to speak up as it is in everyone's best
interest.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
