AboutAmanda Gamble Expertise I will answer any etiquette question you`d care to ask!
I will be happy to give friendly non-judgmental advice on any situation.
If your question is rude,incoherent or demands I confirm your "victim" story,
I reserve the right to refuse to answer. Life is too short.
Certain cultures and customs are not part of my personal
experience,but I will research to get the needed answer.
Time specific questions may or may not get answered by your deadline.
Experience I have been writing a daily etiquette advice column for 8 years.
I have taught as well as given lectures on the subject.
DB assumes he has had an OPEN invitation to visit either Ron (before there was an us) or the both of us over the years. Ron admits he has somehow indirectly allowed and enabled DB to believe this. Fact is, we've never invited him in the first place...ever. To make matters worse he never once invited either of us to his cozy place in a trendy area of San Diego. Because of our careers, we have lived in touristy locales which DB takes advantage of. We now live in Colorado, so another playground for DB to exploit at our expense. Bottomline, we've both wised up and will hopefully and respectfully evolve beyond the current pattern.
Therefore, we most definitely will incorporate your suggestions into our strategy; you've made some excellent points relevant to our current lifestyle which has slowed down socially primarily because of a values shift.
It's soooo nice to be able to correspond objectively with someone like yourself Amanda...Thanks so much!
Cheri and Ron
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Followup To
Question -
Good Evening,
My husband Ron's ages old drinking buddy from his military seafaring days wants to visit next month for four days.
Frankly, I don't want him in my home and Ron pretty much agrees that he has outgrown their silly partying lifestyles from years ago. Although Ron doesn't want to offend his ol' drinking buddy nor totally eliminate him from his life, he does want to make a subtle statement that times have changed.
How can we accomplish this?
Thanks so much!
Cheri
Answer -
Dear Cheri and Ron,
Yes,I can see where you would want to put the brakes
on reviving the 'good old days'. We all grow beyond the
wild partying phase--or should. You don't say, had Ron
promised to see DB (drinking buddy)? Or is it just up in
the air? DB called,said he'd be in town and would like to
stay and Ron said "I'll get back to you?" OR is the offer
of putting him up already out there? If it is there is no
graceful way to disinvite him. If he has not been invited
to stay, make it clear on the phone that you will be happy
to email him the # numbers and directions to various local
hotels. "You'd be more comfortable there" is the mantra.
In any case making his stay as dull as possible is a good way to ward off future visits or just get the message across that those days are gone. Refuse to have more than one drink with dinner or refuse to drink at all. "Gosh..we'd love to,but we have no tolerance
for it anymore. Half a glass of wine and I'm ready for a
NAP!" You don't have to be disapproving,but yes,cheerfully
say that you have jobs,kids,a mortgage,you just CAN'T! :)
You and Ron have control over your lives,just because DB
is in town doesn't mean you have to go along with his
agenda.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
Answer Dear Cheri and Ron,
AH HA! So he's not just a clueless good old boy,who
has no social graces-- he's a USER. He just exploits
the former ties when it's convient for him? When he needs
to get away to some posh spot,but there's no reciprocity?
OH HO HO...I would soooooo get the message across that the
gravy train is going to make an abrupt stop.
Golly I was feeling kind of sorry for him up till now..
I sort of assumed he was a lonesome loser who was trying
to cling to the "glory days". I still didn't think you
needed to indulge him,but now I feel more heartless about
it. You should too! 'Well mannered' is not a synonym for
'door mat'.
Good luck!
Amanda
