About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 8/16/2004
Question Dr. Manners,
My spouse of four years recently served as a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding (my side of the family). I would consider my relationship with my cousin as typical to "average."
My question is two fold, one what is the tradition behind married women accepting invitations to serve as bridesmaids?
Two, am I the one out of line? I must admit, it felt strange seeing my spouse being escorted down the aisle by another man, dancing with another man during the "wedding party to the dance floor ritual," etc...
Am I out of bounds with my concerns? I'm happy my cousin met a husband, but I did feel slightly uncomfortable during parts of the wedding.
Your A1 advice is appreciated!
Answer Dear Mr. Carter,
It is very flattering for a woman to be asked to be an attendant in a wedding, whether she is married or single. This tradition has gone on for quite some time now. It was nice of your cousin to think so much of your wife and feel close enough to her, to ask her to be in her wedding.
I certainly do understand that you were feeling a bit uncomfortable and left out, while your wife was attending to her duties, as a bridesmaid. It can be very awkward for a husband or wife of an attendant to try to enjoy a wedding, when the spouse is not a part of the wedding party. The spouse can feel out of place and wishing that he or she was accompanying his or her spouse down the aisle or sitting next to him or her during the ceremony or at the reception.
Even though you know your wife wasn't on a date with someone else, I think that your subconscious mind came into play and left you feeling a little jealous, which is only normal. You were wishing that the two of you were attending the wedding as guests together.
Put this experience behind you, and move forward. The wedding is over and your wife is with you. In the future, if either one of you is asked to be in a wedding, discuss the pros and cons with your wife before either of you make a commitment.
Thank you for writing.
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
