Expert: Amanda Gamble - 7/12/2006

Question
Our daughter is giving her first harp recital, and I wonder if it is appropriate to bestow a small gift (flowers, candy, etc.) on her instructor. If so, when is the best time to do so? Before the performance, at its conclusion, or on a seperate occasion altogether?

Answer
Dear Dana,
 I think it's a lovely idea to give the instructor a
token of your thanks. It depends entirely on what you
want to convey when you give her the gift. I would have
the flowers(or candy) delivered to her backstage before
the recital with your card or note. If you wish,you may
also have someone give him/her the flowers in stage after
the recital so they get even more public recognition.
However! If you do this and the item is only from your
daughter and there is a large group,it could make an
uncomfortable situation for the other students or parents.
Think carefully how the gesture will be seen and how it
will be interpreted if you choose to do this. The world
of musicians can be a very petty and competitive place
for older students. If she is very young,the situation
would be entirely different,of course.  The third option,
as you point out is to give the gift at another time. All
of these choices are acceptable etiquette,only you can
decide which will be most comfortable for you.