About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 8/4/2004
Question Good Evening,
My husband Ron's ages old drinking buddy from his military seafaring days wants to visit next month for four days.
Frankly, I don't want him in my home and Ron pretty much agrees that he has outgrown their silly partying lifestyles from years ago. Although Ron doesn't want to offend his ol' drinking buddy nor totally eliminate him from his life, he does want to make a subtle statement that times have changed.
How can we accomplish this?
Thanks so much!
Cheri
Answer Dear Cheri,
You and Ron always have the option of letting his friend know that it is not a convenient time for him to visit or that one or two days would be convenient, but not four because you have plans. It was rude of him to invite himself to begin with. Four days can even be too long for someone you really like. Four days can seem like an eternity, when it is someone you can't tolerate. There is an old saying "Like fresh fish, guests should be gone within 3 days." I am sure you get the inference.
If you do decide to have him visit, let him know ahead of time what the itnerary will be. Do not include any bar hopping or drinking. You can even remove alcohol from your house and say that Ron just doesn't feel the need to partake of that type of drinking anymore. Make sure that he knows that Ron's lifestyle has changed and he doesn't enjoy the antics of their partying days. Once he knows that the visit will not be very exciting, he may shorten his trip or cancel it entirely. Whatever you do, don't let him be in charge of the situation. Take control now, before things go an farther.
Good luck and thank you for writing.
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
