Expert: Amanda Gamble - 8/12/2006

Question
A good friend of mine from high school is finally getting married. Although it has been 15 years since we graduated and we live on different coasts, we have kept in touch via email and occasional visits. I was disappointed, however, when the wedding invitation arrived addressed to only me.  There was no mention of my boyfriend, who has been living with me for the last year and who my friend met on my last hometown visit.  I really don't want to go to all that distance to the wedding without my boyfriend, and I am upset that he wasn't invited, as my friend knows that while we are not yet engaged, we are planning to get married in the future.  Is it inappropriate to ask my friend if my boyfriend can also attend?

Answer
Dear Jenny,
 You know from a strict etiquette standpoint that you
cannot go adding guests onto your personal invitation and
you are correct.

  NOW! Let's get past that and see what we can do. I
consulted my most recently married sister Claire who
advises an e-mail to your friend. (On the phone means
on the spot in this case) Let her know that any answer
she gives will be fine and not affect your friendship.
Then tell her you would love to come to her wedding,but
would like for X to come with you.

  She may have a very tight budget,space constraints,etc.
Or..perhaps she just wasn't thinking. It is a crazy time
with more than a few details to remember. Claire left off
people from her guest list unintentionally. You just forget
or mean to add names later. If the invitations were
addressed by half a dozen people around the kitchen table,
you can see where even the most organized bride would have
control slip away from her.  

  So there is no harm in asking,just be prepared for
either answer to your question.  

                             Best regards,
                                Amanda Gamble