AboutAmanda Gamble Expertise I will answer any etiquette question you`d care to ask!
I will be happy to give friendly non-judgmental advice on any situation.
If your question is rude,incoherent or demands I confirm your "victim" story,
I reserve the right to refuse to answer. Life is too short.
Certain cultures and customs are not part of my personal
experience,but I will research to get the needed answer.
Time specific questions may or may not get answered by your deadline.
Experience I have been writing a daily etiquette advice column for 8 years.
I have taught as well as given lectures on the subject.
Question -------------------------
Followup To
Question -
Hi Amanda,
A couple from a club I go to invited me over to their place for tea and I spent an enjoyable two hours with them chatting this afternoon. We're not close friends, just good acquaintances. I think I made a couple of etiquette no no's and like your advice so I can behave differently in the future.
1) We discussed world affairs and the host mentioned the house of 'sword' (i.e. the Saudi Arabian royal family.) I corrected her pronunciation of it (which I'm now not 100% sure of), saw she was a bit perplexed, then made an embarassed speech about how I wasn't correcting her but just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing.
2) I spent time glancing at a book during the conversations and noticed the host fleetingly furrowed his eyebrows at me.
Did I cross any etiquette boundaries? Any feedback welcomed. Many thanks.
Regards,
Usuff
Answer -
Dear Usuff,
It is wrong to correct people's grammar or the way they
pronounce a word. However,as you said,you did so out of
confusion,to verify that you were indeed speaking of the
same thing. So there is no fault there. Think of the
intention behind it,were you trying to embarass her? No!
As for glancing at the book,you don't really talk about
the circumstances. Was it a book that was pointed out to
you as part of a conversation? Did you just pick it up as
if you were bored by the host's failure to keep you engaged
and entertained? The first is not a problem,the second can
be construed as being terribly rude.
I wouldn't worry about it too much though. It sounds as
if the visit overall was a success. Next time you see one
or the other of them I would thank them again for having
you over and mention what a good time you had. That should
lay to rest any questions (if ANY) they may have about your
ability to be a good guest.
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
Dear Amanda,
Many thanks for the reply. I'll now make it a general rule not to correct someone's grammar or pronunciation - I didn't fully realise it was rude. Likewise with picking up reading material while engaging someone in conversation. I'm learning alot! A couple more questions, if its possible.
1) A couple with a newborn baby invited me over for lunch recently. Upon entering their apartment I remarked the whole place had been taken over by baby things. I noticed they were slightly taken aback. Was this rude? Should I have not commented on the state of their apartment?
2) I sometimes finish people's sentences, and recently was told by a lady I "stole her thunder" by correctly anticipating what she was about to say after she spent a minute or two building up to an observation in life she held dear. Should I just hear people out without helping them complete their sentences?
Thanks again,
Regards,
Usuff
Answer Dear Usuff,
Babies are a shocking amount of work. How can someting
so small need so much attention and required so much STUFF?
It's a mystery,but there you have it. New parents are lucky
if they get two hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time and
taking a simple shower suddenly becomes a race. Picking up
the apartment is bumped down on the list of priorities for
awhile. They probably were taken aback. You don't say in
what tone of voice/what wording you used,but it could have
made them feel like you were judging them.
It is hard sometimes to keep from finishing other
people's sentences. Some people are long winded and do
not get to the point where others have the knack of being
concise. Yes,as often as your temper will allow,let people
have their moment!
Best regards,
Amanda Gamble
