About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 9/7/2004
Question An acquaintance of ours works for a company that is very generous and often buys tables or rounds of golf, for charity/fundraising events. The gentleman in question then invites friends and neighbors to join him at the function (paid for by his company) but as a stipulation, requests that the people he invite spend the amount of money on silent or live auction items that would equal what he/his company paid for their presence there that evening. Is this tacky or am I uptight? I feel that an invitation should be extended to people you want to spend time with period. I think most people should know that in a case like this that one should contribute or purchase an item. If this person has not experienced that with his friends in the past, he should stop inviting them. What do you think?
Answer Dear Caroline,
It is tacky of your acquaintance to invite people to these functions, if he hasn't told them upfront that it is a fundraising event. Let's face it, there are strings attached to his invitations and they are not simply for a pleasant evening out with friends. Knowing that ahead of time, should determine whether a person accepts or declines the invitation.
While these events are held for good causes, guests should not be required to spend a particular amount. If they choose to bid on something that appeals to them, so be it. They should not be pressured to match what their tickets cost. If guests find it uncomfortable accepting invitations from him, then they should gracefully decline.
Each employee at his workplace may be encouraged to do what he does. He may get extra recognition for his part.
Personally, if I didn't want to participate, I would thank him for thinking of me, but decline his invitation.
Thank you for writing.
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
