About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 10/18/2004
Question Dear Dr. Manners,
A few weeks ago, I invited my cousin and her soon-to-be husband to our home for Thanksgiving dinner. They accepted immediately and we began discussions on logistics such as their accomodations and timing of the actual dinner.
The two were just married and, as we were saying our good-byes to them at their wedding, we told them we were looking forward to seeing them for Thanksgiving. My cousin informed me that she had since been invited out of town with another couple and would not be joining us.
It is my understanding that this was very rude - to accept an invitation and then decline for a better/different offer. My husband and I are very hurt/insulted and don't know how to handle this without coming off as bitter or resentful. Any advice would be appreciated!
Signed,
Two Empty Seats at the Table
Answer Dear Rose,
You and your husband have every right to be hurt and insulted. Your cousin has very bad manners. What she and her new husband did was inconsiderate, selfish and uncaring. They definitely should have declined the second invitation, no matter what.
Your cousin needs to know that what she did was wrong. You should speak with her and tell her that, "You and your husband were very surprised at her rude behavior and that you would never dream of accepting another invitation, if you had received one from her first. It just isn't the polite thing to do." There is no need to get into an argument with her. Simply state the facts and leave it at that. If I were you, it would be a very long time before I extended an invitation to her and her husband.
Thank you for writing and good luck!
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
