About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 7/20/2004
Question Dear Dr. Manners,
My friend was offended after asking my advice on her clothes. Please, tell me, who is right...
Originally I am from Europe, as well as my friend is. She moved to US recently and brought a lot of apparel along. I like her dressing style, except her blouses look a little bit revealing to me. She is 41 y.o. and likes to wear a "see through" blouses, which in my opinion require a camisole underneath otherwise you can see ALL the details of the bra on the back. I think they look great during the evening, but they are not quite suitable as the formal wear.
My friend is a piano teacher and owns a small piano studio. She wears these blouses all the time, and to the recitals (concerts), where she presents her studio also. I've never mentioned what I think to her (it is not of my business), until she asked my opinion about one of her blouses. I said frankly "it's great, but probably it is not a very good idea to wear this to the piano recital, as there are going to be a lot of your student's parents and guests, and people are usually dressed formal there.
She was offended, and said that other people wearing that, implying that I am a little bit old fashioned. (I am 32 y.o., so I can't be too much old fashioned yet :)
I don't really care that much of this subject, but every time during the concerts I feel embarrassed for her dressing style and I wish she could choose something different to wear.
Please, let me know what you think. Is it appropriate to wear semi-transparent blouses for the formal events? Was I wrong saying what I think, or should I have just said, "It looks great on you!" and skip the rest of comments?
Thank you!
Olga
Answer Dear Olga,
I definitely agree with you on this matter. Wearing a see-through blouse without a camisole is totally inappropriate, especially in her line of work. She is a professional, a teacher and should be a role model for her students. If a classroom teacher wore revealing clothing in front of her students and their parents, she would most likely receive a reprimand from her principal and perhaps be sent home to change. She might even lose her job because of it.
Your friend's attire can be fashionable, trendy and conservative at the same time. I am sure that she would like to be thought of as a classy dresser, as opposed to a trashy dresser.
Your friend asked for your opinion and you gave it to her. Your judgment was right on target. She should be thanking you for helping her, instead of being annoyed with you.
Thank you for writing.
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
