About Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). Expertise As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.
Experience I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States.
I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools.
I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004.
I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more.
I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher.
Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette.
I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years.
My education includes:
Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University;
Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University;
Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University;
B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester;
Etiquette Consultant Certification
Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 9/19/2004
Question I was told about a surprise engagement party for myself & fiancee 2 days before because the party was going to be cancelled. The reason for this cancellation was the location of the event fell through and no one wanted to hold it at their house & they thought best to cancel. Once I was told that there was supposed to be a party and that it was cancelled, I told them (groom's relatives) it was unfair to the guests if they were coming from out of town. I was told no one was coming from out of town, so I didn't feel so bad. Well friends of mine traveled over 300 miles and stayed 3 nights in a hotel to find out that there was no party. Also, now people have started to send gifts...should we accept? They probably wouldn't have sent gifts if there wasn't ever going to be a party. We've been engaged for almost a year & some already sent gifts right when we were engaged, so these gifts were just because of a party. Should we politely return them? If so, how? Also, I feel awful that it was cancelled...should I be the one apologizing, even though I didn't even know about it? I decided that it would not be right to reschedule since most of my family is from far & really were unable to make it (FL & NY, we live in MD) and my main reason for always wanting an engagement party was so both families & friends could meet. Any suggestions? Thanks, amy
Answer Dear Amy,
If your fiance's family members were planning the party, they should definitely apologize to your friends for not letting them know in advance that the party was cancelled. Your out-of-town friends certainly went to great expense to attend. It was remiss not to advise them, unless they had not replied to the invitation and your future in-laws didn't know they were coming.
Any gifts that you receive, you should now treat as wedding gifts and not engagement gifts, especially since you have been engaged for nearly a year. When you write your "thank you" notes, let people know how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness and that since your surprise engagement party had to be cancelled, you will consider their engagement gifts, their wedding gifts to you and your fiance. Keep a list of those who have given you presents and when the wedding invitations go out, include a note to those who would have attended the party and did send engagements gifts that states "please no gifts". By doing this, guests will not feel resentful and will surely appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Thank you for writing and much happiness in the future,
Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"
