Social Etiquette and Good Manners/formal dinner

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Expert: Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM). - 8/6/2004


Question
My question is in regard to formal/invitation only lunches/dinners. I recently attended both where when we came into the ballroom, the salad was already placed. Soon after we sat down, the waiter came by and placed the dressing. Some people then started eating while others waited. The program did show that an invocation was scheduled. But soon after the invocation was done, the staff started bringing the dinner plates. My question is this, should you start your salad immediately after the waiter passes the bread and places the dressing before the invocation or just wait until after the invocation to eat the salad?

Answer
Dear L. Walker,

When there is an invocation, the master of ceremonies should prompt the audience to rise and bow their heads, and then introduce the clergyperson.  No one should speak, eat or drink at this moment.  When the invocation is finished, the group may be seated and then begin to eat.  Even if the salads are on the tables and the dressing and bread and butter are served, no one should begin to eat before an invocation, just the same as if grace were to be said in someone's home.

I have found that at large functions, similar to the ones you described, the waitstaff likes to get a jump start on the meal.  There is usually a time frame involved and they are on a tight schedule.

However, out of respect for the clergyperson giving the invocation, I feel that one should wait to eat the meal at the table until after the invocation has been completed.  Diners can always place their salad plates or bowls to the left of the place plate when the main course is served, if they have not finished the salad.

Your behavior was definitley appropriate.  Bravo!

Thank you for writing.

Best regards,
Fleming Allaire, Ph.D.
"Dr. Manners"  

Social Etiquette and Good Manners

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Fleming Allaire, Ph.D., a.k.a Dr. Manners (TM).

Expertise

As an author, educator, newspaper columnist and trainer in the field of manners and etiquette, I am able to answer questions on every aspect of social etiquette and good manners. I cover adult and children`s manners,introductions, dining skills, verbal and written communication (including e-mail, cell phone and regular telephone etiquette), tipping, weddings, travel, births, death and funerals, proper attire for every occasion, office etiquette, invitations, entertaining, the roles of a host and a guest, thank you notes, family life, interviews, gift-giving, graduations, good grooming, disabled persons, hotels,school manners, good sportsmanship,respect, manners in public places( the theater, movies, church, shopping, restaurants, etc.), being a good neighbor, and being considerate of others.

Experience

I am the originator of national Children's Good Manners Month (September) and founder of The Good Manners Club. My school program "Manners Do Matter" is used successfully throughout the United States. I teach manners and etiquette at the University of Connecticut, Central Connecticut State University, United Technologies Corporation, Cigna Corporation and The Archdiocese of Hartford Catholic Schools. I wrote and recorded my Dr. Manners' Moments for Radio Disney, which aired for nearly two years. I was a regular contributor on WVIT-TV NBC30 during 2002 and 2003. I was a regular etiquette expert on WTIC (Radio)for nearly 3 years. I have been interviewed by radio stations, television stations, newspapers and other publications around the world. I recently appeared in an episode of the television show Survival Guide, on the Fine Living Network on Personal Etiquette and am a consultant for the Network. I was asked to write an article for The New York Times on Manners and Etiquette for the Summer, which was published on Sunday, May 16, 2004. I have visited dozens of schools, public and private; worked with The Girl Scouts; various community groups (including Chambers of Commerce and Senior Citizen Groups); church groups,and more. I am a former elementary school principal and a former elementary school teacher. Additionally, I have authored several books and booklets on manners and etiquette. I have been a manners advice newspaper columnist for nine years. My education includes: Ph.D. in Education, LaSalle University; Administrator Certification, Sacred Heart University; Teacher Certification, Central Connecticut State University; B.A. in English, Nazareth College of Rochester; Etiquette Consultant Certification

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