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About Joel Kimball
Expertise
I'm good at listening, even better at giving advice.

Virginity does matter! And no sex before marriage is possible, regardless of what your friends, family, or (worst of all) society tell you. It's a choice, like any thing else in life. Not an easy one, so that's why I'm here to help.

I'm happy to answer your questions:
- WHY you should stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW you can stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW to deal with boy or girl friends pushing you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with friends who push you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with a family who won't support you in your choice of abstinence

Experience
If you want to know about some thing, ask an expert, right? If you're climbing a steep and dangerous mountain, who would you ask for advice about where to go? Another climber that's no further up than you, and is struggling? Or the fella who's been all the way to the top, and lived to tell about it?

The latter is me.

As to sex before marriage, "Been there, HAVEN'T done that".

In short, I made it to marriage with out having sex, in spite of many temptations, so any one can - including you.

Organizations
Eagle Scout - Boy Scouts of America
Fire Fighter - Whitman County Fire District 1 - Washington State

Education/Credentials
I have several years experience owning and managing two businesses, an Internet Access Provider (www.PalouseNet.com) and a Commercial Art Studio (www.KimballMedia.com). Every day I'm forced to make difficult decisions that will affect my life for years to come - just like the decision to not have sex before marriage will affect you.

Past/Present Clients
See my web sites.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Staying a Virgin > Marriage vs. Sex at 19

Staying a Virgin - Marriage vs. Sex at 19

Expert: Joel Kimball - 11/5/2009

Question
Hey, I'm a nineteen year old girl and I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year. I've started to think I will probably end up marrying him, and I want to have sex with him - I have for a long time.

I'm just wondering if I'm too young to get married or if it's okay to sleep with someone you are planning on marrying, even if you aren't married yet.

My boyfriend is fantastic - there is no pressure from him - so I want to be a good girlfriend and also, I'm really curious and excited about sex. What should I do?

Answer
Hey Stephanie,

Congratulations on keeping your virginity until 19! You are one incredible woman. Your boy friend is the luckiest guy on the planet.

All the feelings you mentioned are completely normal. Every one is curious and excited about sex. People are supposed to feel that way, and thank God they do, or none of us would be here to get our own turn at experiencing it!

To answer your questions:

No, you're not too young to get married. Legally you can probably get married (with your parents permission) around 16 years old. So the question is, are you mentally and physically ready? Well, obviously you've got the physical part covered, and I'd say any woman who can hold out on sex until she is 19 is far more mature than the 30 year old bride who's slept with every guy she ever met. Besides, my mother was married, and pregnant with her second child (me) by the time she was your age. My parents have stayed married for decades, so they blow away all the common ideas that marrying young and having kids right away kills marriages.

No, it's no OK to sleep with some one you are planning on marrying. All sex out side of marriage / life long committed relationship is wrong. Primarily because all sex carries with it the possibility of pregnancy, and it's just border line evil to risk bringing an innocent life in to this world out side of a stable, committed family structure.

Steph, do your self a huge favor and just get married to this guy. Then you can make love all day long, week after sex soaked week -in bed, on the couch, in the tub, on the kitchen counters, upside down, side ways, back wards, you name it. But GET MARRIED! Why not? Don't listen to the people who fill you with doubt - how will you make it? shouldn't you wait until you finish college? etc., etc.. You sound like a courageous woman full of fire. If you're sure this guy is it, go for it and forget the details. No, your love won't pay the rent, but hey, you're both young and strong and smart, you'll find a way to make it work. You'll find the more problems you two solve together, the deeper your love for each other will grow.

One last piece of advice, don't ever be alone with your boy friend (or any other guy). People don't usually have sex in front of other people, so your only safety is to keep every thing public, no matter how much you want to be alone. If you can't do what you want to do in front of your family and friends, you shouldn't be doing it. Other wise, you WILL end up having sex. Just a matter of time.

Hope this helps!

Joel

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