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About Joel Kimball
Expertise
I'm good at listening, even better at giving advice.

Virginity does matter! And no sex before marriage is possible, regardless of what your friends, family, or (worst of all) society tell you. It's a choice, like any thing else in life. Not an easy one, so that's why I'm here to help.

I'm happy to answer your questions:
- WHY you should stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW you can stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW to deal with boy or girl friends pushing you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with friends who push you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with a family who won't support you in your choice of abstinence

Experience
If you want to know about some thing, ask an expert, right? If you're climbing a steep and dangerous mountain, who would you ask for advice about where to go? Another climber that's no further up than you, and is struggling? Or the fella who's been all the way to the top, and lived to tell about it?

The latter is me.

As to sex before marriage, "Been there, HAVEN'T done that".

In short, I made it to marriage with out having sex, in spite of many temptations, so any one can - including you.

Organizations
Eagle Scout - Boy Scouts of America
Fire Fighter - Whitman County Fire District 1 - Washington State

Education/Credentials
I have several years experience owning and managing two businesses, an Internet Access Provider (www.PalouseNet.com) and a Commercial Art Studio (www.KimballMedia.com). Every day I'm forced to make difficult decisions that will affect my life for years to come - just like the decision to not have sex before marriage will affect you.

Past/Present Clients
See my web sites.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Staying a Virgin > Resisting Temptation

Staying a Virgin - Resisting Temptation

Expert: Joel Kimball - 11/5/2009

Question
QUESTION: My name is Katie and I am 17 years old and a virgin. I have a boyfriend and we really care about each other. He is a virgin and a very strong Christian and is waiting until marriage to have sex. I am a Catholic but I do not practice so when it comes to sex, I have just been waiting until I find someone special and I feel ready.

At times when my boyfriend and I are close, it becomes difficult to not feel the want to have sex. Sometimes I bring it up but I try not to because I don't want to pressure him because I know what it feels like to be pressured from past boyfriends. I feel I am ready though for sex because I truly care for him and I want to take our intimacy to the next level.

I guess to get to the point, I need advice on controlling my want for sex and to ignore the peer pressure from friends to do it. Thank you so much!

ANSWER: Hi Katie,

Congratulations on keeping your virginity. It isn't about being Catholic, it's just the right thing to do.

I guess I'm wondering why you don't care about this boy enough to marry him. You want to use his body to gratify yours, but you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him? Besides using him for sex, what are your intentions with this guy? After the sex gets old (and it always does, baby), are you going to just thank him like a common prostitute and walk away? Seriously?

Of course, you'll be risking pregnancy, too. And no, no birth control is 100% preventative. In addition, if you use the birth control pill, it acts as an abortifacient, so you'll never know when you've aborted your unborn children. And lets say you do keep the baby, what right do you have to force a child in to this world alone with you as a single mother? "Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye also unto them". Would YOU want to be aborted by a chemical your mother took so she could prevent your birth because she didn't care about you, or your father?

So to sum up - you want to use this guy then dump him later, risk bringing life in to a broken home, or aborting it.

Wow. Your attitude is totally selfish.

But to get to the point, your only safety is to never be alone with any guy. Other wise, you WILL have sex, just a matter of when.

Katie, I realize I sound harsh, but don't do this. Don't join the ranks of the MILLIONS of girls who gave away their virginity just because they felt like it at the moment, only to deeply regret it later on, for the rest of their life.

Your friend,

Joel

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Joel,

Thank you very much for taking your time to reply. I think the attitude that came across is completely not how I am feeling. I love this guy and I am praying we stay together long enough to be able to get married one day. I am NOT in it for the action. He is a sweet guy and I have never cared more about someone in my life like I do for him.

Because I love and care about him so much, I want to show him that as much as I can. I am able to have control over myself and my actions to prevent sex from happening.

So no, my attitude is not selfish. I am willing to wait to marriage to have sex, especially if it is with him because I know that if we are able to wait til marriage to have sex it will make the moment even more amazing.

The struggle that I have with not having sex is the teenage curiosity and ignoring pressure from friends.

And speaking of birth control, I just started the pill today but only because I get horrific pain when I get my period. It would be so bad that I would be in tears and miss school. No, I did not ask to get the medication so I can have sex and as much of it as I please. But if I ever had sex and got pregnant, I would never have an abortion. I may be Catholic and don't follow the church, but I do realize how sacred a human life is. And I think you're thinking of the morning after pill that acts like an abortive.

I don't want to come across as mean but you misunderstood what I was trying to say. In no way am I using my boyfriend for sex nor am I being selfish. I understand what it means to wait til marriage and wait for that one person. I am sorry you misunderstood me.

Thank you again,
Katie

Answer
Hello Katie,

Well, you certainly sound more mature than the average 17 year old. And I have the deepest respect that you've made it this far as a virgin. Every thing so far says you are a remarkable and exceptional woman. Your boy friend is the luckiest guy in the world.

Teen age sex curiosity can be a real killer. It's totally OK to be obsessed with sex at 17, and completely normal. I'm not one who believes people should wait until they are a certain age to get married. My parents married when my dad was 21 and my mom was 18, and their marriage is still going strong decades later. So what's stopping you two? Drop some hints and see what he says. Knowing you'll only have to wait X number of months until you can have all the sex you want can really help with waiting. What's getting you right now is the feeling that you have no idea WHEN you'll get to have sex, but your body needs it NOW! Today! That can be rough. So you need some thing rock solid to look forward to - make it your marriage date.

Pressure from "friends" really stinks too. Friends usually tell you to do what ever feels good, hoping they'll look all hep and cool and... they'll stay your friends. But are they really your friends? Would a friend tell you to do some thing that would damage you for the rest of your life? Time to get back in your Church and see if you can find some new friends. You need some one who will tell you it's ok to have raging hormones, but that they're waiting and you can do it too.

Your best safety is to get married to this guy at the earliest possible moment, and mean while, to never, EVER be alone with him (or any other guy). Sane, sober people just don't have sex in front of other people, so if you keep every thing public, you'll keep your virginity.

Sadly, I'm only too painfully aware of the "morning after" pill. But you need to do a little more research. Do a search for - "abortifacient birth control pill". The birth control pill you are taking can and does cause involuntary abortion. It's effects can last after you stop taking it, too. And there is further research that indicates it causes genital problems like cervical cancer, in spite of what it's manufacturers tell you. Ask your self this question, why do I trust a nameless, faceless global corporation with my physical health and spiritual safety? If they hide information like this about their pill, what else are they hiding?

Want to know what will cure your bad periods? Pregnancy and nursing. No period - no pain. But it's the natural way, which is worlds better than a chemical.

Katie, every thing about you is shouting it's time to get married and have a kid or two. Every thing you want, need and long for is waiting for you in that one little thing - your guy, love, sex and a life free of pain.

And I know I sound rough, but unlike your fake friends, I'm actually interested in your happiness. So I'm not going to tell you pretty lies, I'm always going to tell you what you need to know - even if it hurts a bit.

Your friend,

Joel

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