You are here:

Staying a Virgin/What are her boundaries? How do I keep from losing my virginity?


My new girlfriend has been sending me increasingly explicit texts about what she dreams about us doing in bed. Having sex, the whole thing played out like a very detailed movie for me. She says it's what we'll do when we're married, but I can't help but feel she is tryin to change my mind about not having sex. I try to be soft, but firm about how I know having sex before marriage will in the end, screw everything up and I will lose her and how I don't want that because I genuinely want her to be my wife. She agree's all the time, but it feels like she's disappointed. With out breaking up with her, how do we work through our different standards and her nagging desire to "jump my bones," as she put it?
I need help. I really want to be the right guy that she's never experienced. How do I keep from messing up?


Bro., you are rock. I have nothing but the highest respect for you. You are doing the right thing, don't give in to sex before marriage, I truly believe it will be one of the best decisions you've ever made. You're right, if you give in, you almost certainly will lose your girl friend in the end.

So I'm wondering, why don't you get married? It sounds like you both want it (sounds like she REALLY wants it! heh heh). I know our culture tells us to wait until we're older, we've finished college, have a stable job, we're more mature, more financially secure. The majority of that is baloney. I've seen marriages come and go, I've seen them last a life time. You know who stayed together? It wasn't the rich, the accomplished, the ones who waited until they were 30... it was the ones who just really loved their spouse and couldn't even dream of being apart. That was it. Nothing special. So my question is, do you feel that way towards her? Do you think she feels that way towards you too? If so, what are you waiting for? My friend, there won't be a "golden moment" when the heaven's part, the lights shine down and the trumpets blow and some one says "get married today, Steven". See, love isn't a destination, it's a journey. So you have to work hard, so you both have to live in the parents basement, so you have to drive a clunker, so what? You'll be in love, you'll have each other, and the way it sounds, bro., she's going to make you forget why you waited so long! ha ha, lucky you!

If this girl is really worth it (and she sounds like she is), seriously, man, what are you waiting for? You've got the best head on any guy's shoulders I've seen in a LONG time. You can do it. Don't let the world scare you. Yeah, it will be tough, but SO ARE YOU. You'll be surprised how much more you two can do together than alone, and I have every confidence you'll find hidden strength to just make good things happen for the both of you.

Mean time, until those wedding bells ring, the best and smartest thing you can do to hold off on sex is to NEVER, EVER, for any reason what so ever... be alone. Not even for 5 minutes, my friend. She sounds like she could accomplish a lot, so to speak, in 5 minutes! ha ha. Seriously, just sit her down TODAY and let her know you love her, you want to marry her, but until then, you're ALWAYS going to be together either in a very public place or with some one else in the same room. No exceptions, no excuses. Barring that, you're very likely to crash and burn, and you know what that means.

Steven, I wish you and your girl all the happiness in life. Thus far, if any one deserves it, it sounds like you do. I know you'll do the right thing. If you need any more help, I'm here for you.  

Staying a Virgin

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Joel Kimball


I'm good at listening, even better at giving advice.

Virginity does matter! And no sex before marriage is possible, regardless of what your friends, family, or (worst of all) society tell you. It's a choice, like any thing else in life. Not an easy one, so that's why I'm here to help.

I'm happy to answer your questions:
- WHY you should stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW you can stay a virgin until marriage
- HOW to deal with boy or girl friends pushing you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with friends who push you to engage in sex
- HOW to deal with a family who won't support you in your choice of abstinence


If you want to know about some thing, you ask an expert, right? If you're climbing a dangerous mountain, whom would you ask for help - another climber that's struggling up hill like you? Or the fella who's been to the top, and lived to tell about it?

I'd be the latter.

As to sex before marriage, "Been there, HAVEN'T done that".

Eagle Scout - Boy Scouts of America
Fire Fighter - Whitman County Fire District 1 - Washington State

I have several years experience owning and managing two businesses - an Internet Access Provider ( and a Commercial Art Studio ( Every day I'm forced to make difficult decisions that will affect my life for years to come - just like the decision to not have sex before marriage will affect you.

Past/Present Clients
See my web sites.

©2017 All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]