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Staying a Virgin/Massage Parlour


Hi sarah,

I would like to ask if going to massage parlours and getting just a handjobs as a stress reliver would make me a very bad person? I don't have any girlfriend yet and the stress i have is almost killing me, espcially when there is so many people who blame and points the finger at me for the things i have not done. All i did was going to school, do my work and help out the others. i didn't knew helping people was wrong...people would only find me when they needed my help, after helping, they will gone again.. talking behind my back, critising the things i have done. it seems like everyone is crtitsing whatever i do, i alwalys thought by helping and being nice to people would make me many friend but it seems otherwise. i came across a massage parlour in a shopping centre a few weeks back while im shopping around. the shop was disguised as a facial shop. The lady inside was wearing quite sexily and keep on waving me to come in. after i went in she kept asking me is there any service that i would like.. until i get the grasp of her meaning and she would touch my private part and show me her breast and offer me her handjob serivce at 50 dollar. at that time i totally forgot any troubles i had in my mind. I almost taken up the offer but the sense of guilt is holding me back and i have been considering whether i should do it as 1) i will be able to forget all those trouble 2)I will be able to exprience something that is different, i know it's just a handjob but i just can't help but feel the sense of guilt towards my future girlfriend if i ever going to have one.

Thank you

Hello Jerry,
They don't have such massage parlors in the U.S.    Massage therapists must have special certications from the State in which they practice, pass vigorous testing and are licensed to uphold strict guidelines.  If they dishonor their profession, they will lose their license to practice.  While it could be the same in Singapore, the client as well as the masseuse performing sexual acts  could both be charged with immoral and illegal actions as prostitution is illegal in our Country.
We all have a free will about how we wish to behave....but you might want to look at the consequences of such actions you are considering to take.  
You have no "love" connection with this person.  "How will this make you feel"?
You are paying her to perform masturbation on you.  "Is this how you want to spend your money"?
You are fearing the guilt already that you are almost certain will result.  "Do you really think the outcome will be any any different from how you feel now?
You are "paying for an "unloving" and "guilt-expected" experience.  "You need to ask yourself why  would you do that"?
I have the feeling  that your anxieties over your relationships are causing your sexual frustrations which really won't be fulfilled with unloving and impersonal sexual experiences and I would suggest that you instead spend your $50. in the following ways:  
Try any of these in the following order....
Take a friend to to them about the problems you're having holding on to friendships and ask them for their honest and candid feedback.
Talk to a religious advisor who might help guide you towards assisting those in need who would appreciate your help and friendship....or be fed.... which could go much farther than the $50. contribution you were considering.
Talk to a family member (or teacher)  if you have someone with whom you trust and might be able to confide in.
Call a hospital and ask for the name of a psychologist with whom you could gain some insight as to what might be causing your interpersonal problems.

Would you please rate on the questionnaire whether you have found my response and suggestions helpful.  Thank you,and my very best wishes that this gets all figured out and gets resolved soon.

Staying a Virgin

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I have raised three teenage daughters and have been there for them, through peer pressure, helping them on self esteem issues, sharing feelings, communicating with their partners and making personal decisions. I am very proud of them today and feel fortunate to have had the education to guide them in becoming the confident and professional women they are today as well as valued wives and mothers. In my career as a registered nurse, I've been a childbirth educator for pregnant teens and at the delivering bedside of teens as young as 12. I've taught health education to students from grades K-12, especially helping them to explore the values that can work well in their lives, helped them to clarify which values might be most meaningful to them, and have always shared the concepts of caring (for themselves and others), having respect (for themselves and others) and taking responsibility (expecially for their own actions). I can be a listening ear, supportive when needed, an educator, (I have a master's degree as a nurse-specialist in child and adolescent health), and a resource for information.


As a mother, Health Educator K-12, Parent-Teen Workshop Facilitator, Teacher Trainor Registered Nurse (Labor & Delivery) Childbirth Educator for Pregnant Teens Counselor of Pregnant Teens Child Care Educator for Teen Parents; Adoptive Parents Maternity Professor--student nurses

Registered Nurse/AAS degree, County College of Morris, Randolph Childbirth Educator, ASPO Lamaze BA degree - (Education), University of Massachusetts/Amherst MS degree - (Clinical Nurse Specialist, Child & Adolescent Health), University of Massachusetts/Amherst

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