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Staying a Virgin/Sexless Relationship


Hello and thanks for your service! My name is Jordan(female), btw.

I am currently in a relationship. I am 20 and my boyfriend is as well. We both are currently in college at the same school as well. Early on, we set boundaries in our relationship and discussed what we liked/didn't like. I told him that I am a virgin and that I plan on waiting til I get married. My decision to stay abstinent isn't really a religious commitment, but more of  personal commitment even though I believe in God. I really adore him a lot , so when I told him and he was a little upset, I felt bad for him. I don't want him to think that I'm holding out on him at all.

My question is: Is it possible to have a healthy/happy relationship without sex being a part of it? Also, what other intimate things can we do?

Hello Jordan,
It sounds to me as though you made a personal decision to wait until marriage to become sexually active.  You most likely then, have explored all of the benefits of your decision.  It seems to me that your only downside, now that you are challenging yourself, is that you might need to re-examine them.  Why don't you make a list of the positive reasons to have sex with your boyfriend, and then a list of the negative reasons--why it might not work for you.  You have only one person to please, because of the serious nature of your decision, and that is You!  Many people, both sexes, make decisions based on someone else's pressures on them, or because they are not considering anything beyond self gratification.   Think about which category if any you might fit into.  What is the most important reason you decided to wait?  Have you decided this no longer applies?  Have you completed your education to the point that you could support a child if your boyfriend decided against a marriage.  It can happen, as I know that you know.  And the incidences of sexually transmitted diseases as well as pregnancy are always possible, even with protection.  If your boyfriend thinks it's so alarming that you're a virgin, most likely he is not and making his own personal choices.  Are you ready to get married?  Ready to face some consequences?  Can you possibly think of ways to practice self control?  Does he love you enough to respect your wishes?  Are you comfortable with practicing what you asked me about which is obviously oral sex?  (Which by the way, IS sex).  All my best wishes that you make your wise decision and one in which you will be most happy with YOURSELF.
Please let me know if this has helped after you have gone through all my questions.  Write anytime, and would appreciate a rating. I wish you the best!  

Staying a Virgin

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I have raised three teenage daughters and have been there for them, through peer pressure, helping them on self esteem issues, sharing feelings, communicating with their partners and making personal decisions. I am very proud of them today and feel fortunate to have had the education to guide them in becoming the confident and professional women they are today as well as valued wives and mothers. In my career as a registered nurse, I've been a childbirth educator for pregnant teens and at the delivering bedside of teens as young as 12. I've taught health education to students from grades K-12, especially helping them to explore the values that can work well in their lives, helped them to clarify which values might be most meaningful to them, and have always shared the concepts of caring (for themselves and others), having respect (for themselves and others) and taking responsibility (expecially for their own actions). I can be a listening ear, supportive when needed, an educator, (I have a master's degree as a nurse-specialist in child and adolescent health), and a resource for information.


As a mother, Health Educator K-12, Parent-Teen Workshop Facilitator, Teacher Trainor Registered Nurse (Labor & Delivery) Childbirth Educator for Pregnant Teens Counselor of Pregnant Teens Child Care Educator for Teen Parents; Adoptive Parents Maternity Professor--student nurses

Registered Nurse/AAS degree, County College of Morris, Randolph Childbirth Educator, ASPO Lamaze BA degree - (Education), University of Massachusetts/Amherst MS degree - (Clinical Nurse Specialist, Child & Adolescent Health), University of Massachusetts/Amherst

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