Expert: Sharon Crandall - 3/19/2008

Question
I'm unsure if i should stay with my boyfriend.  He's the nicest guy and all my
friends say he's perfect for me but i can't help but feel that i want to
experience other relationships.  We've been together since for nearly three
years since i was 19 and he's my first ever boyfriend.  He's supportive of
everything i do but my feelings swing from wanting to be with him forever to
wanting to be single.  I worry that I'll never learn about myself if i don't learn
from other relationships. I've only ever broken up with him once because of
these reasons and we were both so upset  that we got back together.  I don't
know if I'm feeling generally insecure (as family and studying has been very
stressful for me over these past three years) or if these feelings are exclusive
to my relationship with my boyfriend. With feeling so unsure am i right to
stay with him?

Answer
Dear Jessica,

Every chance I get I discourage teenagers to be involved in exclusive relationships because almost always one party or the other wake up one day feeling like life has passed them by.  When they should have been out meeting all sorts of people and learning about life they are stuck in this serious relationship.

You will not be doing your boyfriend a good service by staying in this relationship because you will probably feel this way forever.  It is important to follow your gut feelings.  It is very common for couples to grow apart as you mature.  It isn't that anything is wrong with one or the other it is just that it is important to get out and live life and explore enough of life to really know what you want.

People usually don't know who they are and what they want until they are around 25 so I wouldn't even think of getting involved in a serious relationship until then.

It will be hard because it is so comfortable, but those feelings won't change and better to heed them now than after marriage and 3 kids when you just can't stand it any longer.  

Suffer some now or more later.  That's my advice.  I wish you well.

Sharon Crandall
Life is 4 Living Consultant and Coach
www.myspace.com/personalityconsultant